Anxiously attached people tend to be overly preoccupied with their partners and whether they love them back, while avoidants equate intimacy with a loss of independence and deploy distancing strategies.
Anxious and avoidant relationships are considered unhealthy or insecure attachments. They can often lead to relationships that cause you great anxiety, distress, or emotional pain. Alternatively, you can also form attachments to objects. These attachment objects can play a role in how safe you feel.
"Disorganized attachment style is said to be the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat or change," Feuerman says. But it's important to know that your attachment style can shift over time — you can develop a secure attachment style by changing the way you act and think.
Impact of Anxious Attachment. Having an anxious attachment can make it difficult to cope with stress and change. You might have trouble with romantic relationships, friendships, and other relationships.
The anxiously attached person craves more connection and closeness and feels triggered by the avoidant person pulling away. Meanwhile the avoidant person feels triggered by the anxious person's desire for closeness because they themselves value their independence and freedom and fear being consumed.
An avoidant person, with no one else to blame, may resort to narcissism (a falsely elevated sense of self), introversion (unaccountable to others), or perfectionism (rigidly accountable to self). The narcissist elevates self at the expense of others, believing self to be superior.
People who possess an anxious attachment style tend to over-identify with and obsess over their relationships, becoming preoccupied with the emotional availability of their love interests.
A securely attached person might be the ideal match for someone with an anxious attachment style. They're able to understand their partner's needs and therefore can help to regulate their partner's emotions.
Anxious attachment can be painful–fear of rejection and loss, constant worry about your partner's emotions, and low self-esteem. However, while attachment is about our relationships, it is absolutely possible to learn how to self-soothe anxious attachment. Read on for tips from a therapist.
An adult with an anxious attachment style may become preoccupied with their relationship to the point of coming off as "clingy" or "needy." They often worry that their partner will leave or stop loving them. People with anxious attachment may also become manipulative when they feel that a relationship is threatened.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Both avoidant and anxious attachment are both insecure types of attachment. Just over 50% of people are securely attached to their partner. The securely attached are the least likely to be unfaithful as they do not worry about their partner straying or the strength of the relationship.
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs.
The anxious-avoidant attachment style is often due to trauma that includes physical abuse, chaotic or scary environments, and/or inconsistent care. This can help explain why they are both attracted to and fearful of closeness.
Anxious attachment style is rooted in abandonment fears and care-related inconsistencies growing up. It's often developed when children are dependent on unreliable caregivers. They repeatedly learn that their caregivers may or may not come through when needed.
The Anxious Attachment Style Stress Response
As a result of these feelings, someone with an anxious attachment style engages their “fight” response when stressed. So, they vigilantly search for reassurance and support – especially in their relationships.
Don't invalidate their feelings
Do not shame or judge them for feeling and instead show compassion. While it may sound challenging to date someone with an anxious attachment style, the good news is, through support from their partner and their own self-work, they can move from anxious to secure.
"When it comes to romantic relationships, people with anxious attachment desire connection and love. However, at the same time, they find it difficult to trust people creating overwhelming insecurity about their relationships.
From the beginning, once you decide you like someone and there's this feeling like they're a safe person, then yes, tell them. Just own it. You can either explain quite simply to them what is going on. For example, “I tend to get anxious sometimes when we're apart, and I'm definitely aware of it and working on it.
Therapy. If you need extra support with your anxious attachment style, you can seek help from a therapist. Through therapy, you can learn to recognize your attachment patterns, examine your feelings about yourself and learn to approach relationships with others healthily.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment is when someone grew up suppressing their natural instinct to seek out their caregivers for comfort. They tend to move away from relationships and feel suffocated as vulnerability increases.
As an anxious attachment style individual is often a love addict, having the insight to recognize the destructive pattern of relationships is key.