Love bombing, or rushing into a relationship too quickly, often with grand gestures and signs of emotional manipulation can be a big red flag because it often “means they feel like they're filling a hole in their life…they're grabbing on to you because you're the answer to everything,” Reed explains.
The problem is, traumatized children have become adept at manipulation in order to survive. This is not a conscious choice, but rather, as the traumatized brain sees it, a fight between life and death where manipulation equals life, while asking equals death.
Manipulation is generally considered a dishonest form of social influence as it is used at the expense of others. Manipulative tendencies may derive from personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or antisocial personality disorder.
Psychologists say the root cause of manipulative behavior can often be toxic cycles of violence, narcissism, or unhealthy relationships in the manipulator's own childhood. Manipulation can happen in any relational context, Balestrieri says, including family, friends, professional, romantic, or sexual relationships.
You feel fear, obligation and guilt
Manipulative behavior involves three factors, according to Stines: fear, obligation and guilt. “When you are being manipulated by someone you are being psychologically coerced into doing something you probably don't really want to do,” she says.
They are afraid of vulnerability. Manipulators seldom express their needs, desires, or true feelings. They seek out the vulnerabilities in others in order to take advantage of them for their own benefits and deflect their true motives. They have no ability to love, empathy, guilt, remorse, or conscience.
While most people engage in manipulation from time to time, a chronic pattern of manipulation can indicate an underlying mental health concern. Manipulation is particularly common with personality disorder diagnoses such as borderline personality (BPD) and narcissistic personality (NPD).
While we are all susceptible to manipulation, if you are insecure, overly nice, or worry a lot about what other people think, you may be an easy target. The reason manipulation feels bad is because it feels like you're being pushed or tricked into something you didn't really choose or want to do.
Manipulation: using others for one's own advantage is a self defense mechanism. Manipulating others to try and get people to do what is desired for personal gain usually backfires eventually. Projecting: accusing someone else of thoughts and behaviors that are desired to be hidden can be a defense mechanism.
Stop yourself as soon as you notice manipulative behavior.
Then, talk to the other person about the situation and how you feel. Be as direct and honest with them as possible. It's okay to take some time on your own to work through your feelings. It's hard to change your behavior, so allow yourself to take baby steps.
People manipulate others to get what they want. This type of behavior may have a number of causes including interpersonal dynamics, personality characteristics, a dysfunctional upbringing, attachment issues, or certain mental health conditions.
According to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, everyone can be manipulative from time to time, sometimes without even realizing it. "We are all human, and all of us manipulate because it's a human defense mechanism," he says.
"If you have voiced a concern but still feel frustrated, anxious, and pacified, you [may] have been emotionally manipulated," says Porche. "If you feel one way and someone is trying to convince you to feel another way, you are [likely] being emotionally manipulated.
The user can manipulate the innocence of a person, making someone innocent of anything or undoing the innocence of someone, or toning it down so that there may be some bad things the target could do.
Is it best to ignore a manipulator? Yes, you should ignore your manipulator and not react to everything they are saying. They have studied your triggers and expect you to respond to their bait. If you continue ignoring them, they will eventually come around or go away from your life.
Manipulation is disrespectful and sabotages communication in all relationships. Manipulation is sometimes hard to detect. Many people with trusting hearts believe that people have good intentions and they take their words at face value.
Signs You May Be Manipulating Someone
Attempting to control someone else's feelings — making them feel bad. Lying or misleading people. Withholding communication & affection. Blaming others for your actions.
Neuroscience and psychology researcher Abigail Marsh has studied psychopaths for 15 years. She said the main difference between a manipulative lover and a true psychopath is their ability to feel fear. On the surface, the two may appear similar, but psychopaths don't have the ability to feel emotional or physical fear.