Expressing your emotions isn't emotional manipulation. You're allowed to cry, stomp your feet, or indicate how you're feeling at a given moment. Crying to express vulnerability, for example, doesn't mean you're necessarily trying to sway someone to your cause or gain their support.
For example, narcissists (Alexander, 2003), highly neurotic women (Buss et al., 1987), and sociopaths (“the champions of the crocodile tears,” Stout, 2005) are known for their tactics of manipulation, including crying (Vingerhoets and Bylsma, 2016).
These manipulative apologies are a type of blame-shift apologies that blame the victim. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did, they make the entire thing your fault and demand an apology from you. They twist the whole thing to make it seem like your fault, say something like: “I'm sorry, but you did X.
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
For example, a narcissist might offer an insincere apology to get something in return. They might apologize to make themselves out in a victim position or to repair the damage that's been done to their image. There are narcissists who don't apologize for their actions.
1. They add "but" at the end of their apology as a way to avoid taking responsibility for the topic of conflict e.g. "sorry but you made me do it." 2. They dismiss your emotions surrounding the topic e.g. "sorry, you're taking it all wrong."
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
If you're still hurt, mad, or upset
If you're still hurt or upset by someone's actions, be open about this. Let them say their apology and acknowledge their effort, but be clear that you aren't fully ready to move forward yet. Commit to revisiting it later after letting your emotions settle.
Apologies that begin with phrases such as “I'm sorry but” or “I'm sorry if” often lack authenticity because they avoid responsibility. Starting an apology with "I guess" hints at the need for an apology but doesn't actually offer one. Telling someone you "regret" what happened takes no ownership of hurtful behavior.
Crying is an important safety valve, largely because keeping difficult feelings inside — what psychologists call repressive coping — can be bad for our health.
However, crying can sometimes be used as a tactic of emotional manipulation if it is used to gain sympathy or control over others. For example, if someone cries to get their way in a situation or to make others feel guilty for their actions, this can be considered emotional manipulation.
An insincere apology occurs when it doesn't involve remorse or regret. Sometimes an apology may make you feel worse rather than offering an opportunity for reconciliation.
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology. It is common in politics and public relations.
When you apologize to a narcissist, whether you are at fault or not, you have made it about you, and this is exactly what the narcissist wants. They can then use this apology to effectively blame shift onto you.
Blanket Apology focuses on strategies of communication that are used when public figures give public apologies. Like Speech Bubble (2008), Blanket Apology is a dialogue between a man and a woman.