Traumatic childhood experiences or traumas from a past relationship can often prevent people from being emotionally available. Additionally, certain mental health issues can also prevent people from being able to express and process their emotions.
Other conditions. Feeling emotionally detached can be a symptom of another mental health condition, including: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): According to the National Institute of Mental Health , feeling emotionally numb can occur with PTSD.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Traumatic childhood experiences or traumas from a past relationship can often prevent people from being emotionally available. Additionally, certain mental health issues can also prevent people from being able to express and process their emotions.
Remember, emotional unavailability often stems from a deeper fear of intimacy or rejection — fears that can complicate someone's experiences with love. If falling in love feels scary or threatening, it's only natural that they might want to try and avoid it entirely.
They Are Emotionally Unavailable
Another sign of emotional abuse is when your partner is physically present but emotionally absent. You live under the same roof but your partner is not there for you? This can negatively affect your communication skills and can make you feel disconnected and aloof.
Being emotionally unavailable does not make you a bad person or someone incapable of love. It only means that you have some personal development to do in order to be a good partner. As with all things romance and life, it's a learning experience.
Trauma is defined as “a psychological, emotional response to an event or an experience that is deeply distressing or disturbing.” In reality, trauma can come from any experience that makes us feel unsafe, physically or emotionally, and that disrupts the way we cope or function.
The freeze, flop, friend, fight or flight reactions are immediate, automatic and instinctive responses to fear. Understanding them a little might help you make sense of your experiences and feelings.
Intrusive memories
Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.
While the signs of emotional unavailability and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may overlap, they aren't the same thing. An emotionally unavailable person has difficulties expressing or handling emotions. Someone with narcissistic traits, however, may also have: an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
An Emotionally unavailable person often has a fear or a blockage to emotional intimacy, leaving the other person feeling like they are grasping for more, left feeling misunderstood, emotionally unsatisfied and confused.
Controlling. One of the most dangerous traits of a toxic person is controlling behavior. They may try to restrict you from contacting your friends or family, or limit resources like transportation or access to money to restrict your ability to interact with the world around you.
At different times and under various circumstances we, as human beings will have varying amounts of emotional depth to give to each other.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
Perhaps you consciously want commitment, but deep down you fear true intimacy, losing your sense of self in the relationship, or getting hurt. As a result, it may feel safer to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable, because you know on some level that you don't have to fully commit to the other person.
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Even close friendship can be difficult because, at a certain level, friendship requires vulnerability. Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance. Sadly, it means their friends will never fully know them.
Feeling jittery, nervous or tense.
Women experiencing PTSD are more likely to exhibit the following symptoms: Become easily startled. Have more trouble feeling emotions, experience numbness. Avoid trauma reminders.