The cruelty and abuse of the narcissistic parent are nothing short of traumatic. Being exposed to endless self centered behavior can trap you in exhaustion, and the manipulation and lack of insight, which is a common narcissistic feature, can wear you to the bone.
Being raised by a narcissist can be a traumatic event. To cope, you might self-regulate your emotions, which makes it difficult to deal with your own feelings. So, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem are common effects, Roeske says. Addiction is also common, says Dr.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent can affect a child's self-esteem. The child may experience poor self-confidence, low self-worth, and have no feelings of unconditional love from the parent.
The children of a narcissist are often children who grow up to be codependent, people-pleasers, and have low self-esteem. They are children who never feel good enough for their parents or themselves.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. They tend to try to please others and have poor ability to set boundaries or to say no to people's requests.
PTSD from Childhood Trauma
If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent, there are many instances in which they may have traumatized you throughout your childhood. This can lead to PTSD or cPTSD in adulthood. PTSD can result from overt abuse and neglect, emotional neglect, and gaslighting.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Trauma therapy can help you confront, accept, and process the past without retraumatizing you. In a safe space, your therapist can help you heal the damage your narcissistic mother or narcissistic father did. You can form a healthy therapeutic attachment.
Finally, it is important to understand and come to accept that your narcissistic parent won't change. As much as you might want to confront them, or as much as you do confront them, it is very unlikely that the parent will change their ways.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family. This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
Typically, the narcissistic parent perceives the independence of a child (including adult children) as a threat, and coerces the offspring to exist in the parent's shadow, with unreasonable expectations. In a narcissistic parenting relationship, the child is rarely loved just for being herself or himself.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others. Although narcissism comes partly down to genes, it is also impacted by the environment.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
Forthcoming in the journal Psychological Bulletin, the study compiled 31 years of narcissism research and found that men consistently scored higher in narcissism across multiple generations and regardless of age.
As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result, anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.
Narcissistic parenting creates huge problems for the growing child. Daughters of narcissistic mothers often become enmeshed with their parent, losing contact with their true self and growing up without boundaries and without the ability to recognise or nurture healthy relationships.
Self-Importance
The word that comes to mind is “grandiose.” The narcissistic parent will exaggerate and lie about themselves. They'll demand your attention while neglecting your needs. Worse, they often view their child's increasing independence and autonomy as a threat to their own interests.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Narcissistic parents treat their children as instruments for their own self-enhancement, largely ignoring their children's developmental needs. Children of narcissistic parents often suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression as adults.