One of the most common signs that someone is emotionally unavailable is that they don't reveal or show their actual feelings around you. And while you may encourage them to open up and be able to express their emotions, they never let their guard down around you to say what's really on their mind.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
To be available is to be ready and willing to do something. If a man is emotionally available, he is literally going to be aware of his emotions and then ready and willing to express them. At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
Often, the partner of an emotionally unavailable person has complicated emotional problems of his or her own; low self-esteem or childhood trauma that led them to believe they do not deserve good things in life. Laura Peterson, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, counsels couples with intimacy issues.
He might not be touchy-feely; emotionally unavailable men aren't big fans of PDA, and that probably won't change right away when he falls in love. Still, he'll initiate physical closeness to show you that he has feelings for you.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
You should never do it. An emotionally unavailable partner is one who “creates barriers to intimacy and can make you feel unloved or unwanted.” Despite the trope, many women including myself fall victim to the lure of emotional unavailability and the thrill of chasing men who are only 50% present.
Traumatic childhood experiences or traumas from a past relationship can often prevent people from being emotionally available. Additionally, certain mental health issues can also prevent people from being able to express and process their emotions.
Emotionally unavailable people expect closeness, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability to lead to getting hurt, so they often avoid getting emotional entirely. Your efforts to elicit emotions from them may lead them to pull away or redirect conversations back to you.
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is a daily struggle, but whether he breaks it off or you do, he can still miss being with you. When you are in the relationship, it seems he doesn't care enough to work on it – leaving you holding the emotional reins for both of you.
He's emotionally unavailable
Since he's experiencing difficulties understanding what he's feeling, he'll retreat from the situation because this can be a very confusing experience for him. Due to this struggle, he'll pull away, act hot and cold, or not display much affection when things start going well.
You get to find out his true feelings for you
Stop chasing a guy, and his reaction will let you know if he cares for you. This will save you a lot of time guessing the nature of his feelings. Getting to know his true feelings is one of the benefits of halting your chase.
Yes, the primary reason most men pull away is lack of space. They may feel burdened with everything and just want some quiet to control their emotions. So, give him space if you feel your partner is pulling away from you. Do not, at any cost, start being cold or indifferent towards him.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
Other conditions. Feeling emotionally detached can be a symptom of another mental health condition, including: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): According to the National Institute of Mental Health , feeling emotionally numb can occur with PTSD.
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
They don't reciprocate your emotional efforts
You may not get back what you're putting into the relationship. "The emotionally unavailable partner anticipates being let down. One way they protect themselves is to not make the same effort as you in the relationship," says Singer.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Emotionally unavailable people expect closeness, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability to lead to getting hurt, so they often avoid getting emotional entirely. Your efforts to elicit emotions from them may lead them to pull away or redirect conversations back to you.