Sometimes instant chemistry is actually a red flag, not a green light. Our subconscious is very good at detecting people who feel like 'home' - those who can wound us in a familiar way. We can confuse the intense energy as love when it's anxiety and an activated nervous system.
When you feel immediate, intense chemistry or rapport do not assume you can trust the person. This is often nervous system activation whereby your nervous system is responding to someone who feels familiar from your past.
What is Chemistry? Research has defined interpersonal chemistry as "perceived instant connection that exists when meeting a person for the first time."1 The connection that's felt between two people can indicate "they experience their interaction as something more than the sum of their separate contributions."2.
There is nothing wrong with instant attraction but it is not necessarily an indicator of a good long-term relationship. I suggest you start where you are and give the person time. Be open to getting to know more about them. Are they looking for the same kind of relationship you are?
To others, it could be the ability to know exactly what the other person is thinking and feeling. Chemistry can be instant, or it can grow over a period. It solely depends on the bond you share with your partner.
Research says it takes less than one second (!) from meeting a person to decide how much we like that person, and whether we're attracted or not. It sounds like a very short time – and it is – but the important thing here is realizing that it's about the initial feeling.
Happily, the answer is yes. The way we kiss someone for the first time has a direct effect on whether a relationship progresses further. You might feel the very first spark of physical attraction for someone only when you start getting physical.
Having an instant connection with someone you just met is usually a sign that you can pursue something bigger with them (like a relationship or whatever floats your boat). Feeling soul connection signs when you've barely just met someone can be overwhelming.
Intense chemistry is never one-sided
Just as when you immediately like someone and they like you back, in a class, as a friend — chemistry works the same way. It is guided by neurochemicals in our brain that evolutionarily helps us select the best mating partner and partners for survival.
As mentioned in the article above, signs of mutual attraction include frequent communication, physical touch, prolonged eye contact, mirroring, blushing, and flirtatious behavior. If the attraction is mutual between you and another person, you'll likely want to talk to each other rather frequently.
In psychology, misattribution of arousal is the process whereby people make a mistake in assuming what is causing them to feel aroused. For example, when actually experiencing physiological responses related to fear, people mislabel those responses as romantic arousal.
Dr. Harville Hendrix explains that the “chemistry” you feel upon love at first sight may be a signal from your unconscious mind that is seeking to relive childhood trauma from a position of control.
Love can feel a whole lot like anxiety.
"Not being able to eat, being preoccupied, being unsettled, nervy, jumpy, ungrounded, those can be symptoms of anxiety, but they can also be symptoms of excitement," says Sally Baker, senior therapist at Working on the Body.
Falling in love easily, quickly, and often is called "emophilia." This tendency can lead people to miss critical red flags, so they may be prone to entering unhealthy relationships. Emophilia may make people's self-concepts vulnerable to rapid change.
Most people would say this feeling is actually infatuation, which is pretty common when you first start seeing someone new. "Infatuation happens quickly. Love is slow," Monica Parikh, dating and relationship coach at School of Love NYC, told Elite Daily.
A sure sign that a relationship is moving too quickly is if you have trouble making decisions without your partner early on. It's not uncommon for people to lose themselves in their relationship, and over time couples find themselves dressing, speaking and even acting in a similar manner.
The average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, while those same feelings of true love take women 134 days.
Three dates is a good rule of thumb.
This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up.
“This is especially indicative of love bombing, especially if the feelings are not mutual,” she says. “Love bombing runs hard and fast, and things will move quicker than they should, which is a huge red flag.
If you know they're seeing other people and you'd like them to stop, knowing when to ask to be exclusive can be more complicated. While there are no firm rules, experts suggest waiting at least three months after you start dating someone.
"Most love bombers are doing it unintentionally, or are at least in denial or rationalizing their behavior," Huynh said. Either way, she added, it often serves a self-centered purpose. It's hard to know how you really feel about this person so soon in a relationship.