In fact, it's actually quite common for babies and toddlers to pick a favorite parent or caregiver—and for that preference to switch back and forth over time. Read on to learn more about why babies sometimes show a preference for one parent and what to do if it happens to you.
Moms are nicer.
Kids generally describe their moms as more positive and less reactive. Kids generally feel they get in more trouble with their dads. Because kids have more contact with their moms, they know their moms better and rely on them for support. Dads are still somewhat of a mystery for many kids.
Newborn babies do not begin to prefer mother, father or anyone at first. In fact, it usually takes infants until they're about 2 or 3 months old before they start to show a strong preference for mother, father or anyone. While a baby is primed for social interaction soon after birth, its abilities are pretty limited.
Your baby may only want mom because it is close to a feeding, nap, or another time of day that baby needs mom to feel secure. Your baby is new to this world, and only knows a few things – one of those being a preference for mom when needing security and comfort.
He might be going through developmental changes that surface as separation anxiety. Don't discourage him from feeling upset or make him feel guilty if he shuns dad. This is simply how he feels, and shouldn't be punished for them.
Not worrying may be easier said than done, but truly, parental preference is a normal and healthy part of toddlerhood. It can pop up between ages one to three, as children become more independent and learn to express their opinions.
Babies Sometimes Want the Parent They See the Least
Sometimes a baby may prefer the parent they see less often. And other times, these preferences just come and go for no particular reason. But be assured they have no bearing on your future relationships—and your baby may switch back to being all about you soon.
Attachment is the first way that babies learn to organize their feelings and their actions, by looking to the person who provides them with care and comfort. Attachment is essential to long-term emotional health.
It's true. Toddlers play favorites! While you may feel like the only parent in the world who's been snubbed by your little one, it actually happens a lot. It's incredibly common for a toddler to wake up one morning and decide that they prefer one parent over the other, or vise-versa.
But many first-time parents find that after the first month of parenthood, it can actually get more difficult. This surprising truth is one reason many experts refer to a baby's first three months of life as the “fourth trimester.” If months two, three, and beyond are tougher than you expected, you're not alone.
Children can't be too attached, they can only be not deeply attached. Attachment is meant to make our kids dependent on us so that we can lead them. It is our invitation for relationship that frees them to stop looking for love and to start focusing on growing.
"Sometimes a baby won't feed from a partner because they know that mom is nearby most of the time. It can sometimes help if you bring in an aunt or grandmother who is familiar enough with the baby, but not as present. Ideally, this person has some experience with bottle feeding a baby, and can do it with ease."
It's not uncommon for children to prefer one parent over the other. Sometimes this is due to a change in the parenting roles: a move, a new job, bedrest, separation. During these transitions, parents may shift who does bedtime, who gets breakfast, or who is in charge of daycare pickup.
Why a child only wants one parent. Sometimes when your child favors you or your partner, this is a way of showing toddler independence. She wants to prove that she can make her own choices (in the same way she insists on The Runaway Bunny every night or the green sippy cup every time she has something to drink).
Child development experts say it's to be expected that in a time of crisis or anxiety, a young child might show a preference for one parent. They're “hunkering down in their comfort zone,” said Tovah Klein, director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development.
Separation anxiety is a phase many babies go through, when they want to be with their mum or dad all the time. Whatever age your baby is, it's perfectly normal for her to cry a little when you leave her with someone else. But when your baby's going through separation anxiety, it can be trying for both of you.
Babies with an insecure-ambivalent/resistant attachment are clingy with their mother and don't explore or play in her presence. They are distressed when the mother leaves, and when she returns, they vacillate between clinging and angry resistance.
Have skin-to-skin cuddle time. Human touch is soothing for both you and your baby, so hold him often and stroke him gently. Talk and sing to him regularly, with your eyes looking into his and your face up close. Play with him every day.
The “DAD effect” is when someone struggles with depression, followed by substance use (addiction), then denial (DAD). Being aware of DAD and understanding it will help determine the best support required.
Kids just expect more from their mother. You are their number one nurturer, feeder, comforter and carer. Dads might be doing 50 per cent or more of the parenting, it doesn't matter. This is a biological instinct that babies crave their mother's attention.
Most people find the first six to eight weeks to be the hardest with a new baby, and whilst people may not openly discuss many of the challenges in these early weeks of parenthood (if at all), there are a number of common hurdles you may face at this time.
It's sort of like a toddler tantrum, in grown-up form. Mommy meltdowns come in varying degrees (crying, shouting, crying and shouting) and can happen at the drop of a hat – much like the infamous, no-reason-whatsoever-explanation that constitutes a toddler tantrum.
Your baby's constant need for you can be super overwhelming and overstimulating. Onces babies start to self-soothe around 3-4 months, you will start to feel more like yourself. With a consistent sleep schedule and environment, your baby will sleep in longer stretches at night and take better naps during the day!