Perceptions of favoritism can take a lasting mental toll on families, according to a 20-year study following parents and their adult children. WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Moms won't admit to it. Families rarely talk about this, but research shows that many parents do, in fact, have a favorite and least favorite child.
Most mothers and fathers have favourites – and that's OK. “There are going to be days when we prefer to be around one child over another, for a number of different reasons,” she says. “The important thing to remember is that having a favourite child does not mean that you love your other children less.”
While the youngest sibling is usually the funniest kid, mom and dad favor the youngest for a reason that might surprise you. According to a new study conducted by Brigham Young University's School of Family Life, the youngest sibling of the family tends to be mom and dad's favorite child because of perception.
Parents with two children who admit to having a favourite overwhelmingly (62%) prefer the youngest. Only 30% say they prefer the eldest.
Even if you don't fully recognize it, research indicates that there's a good chance that you actually do have a favorite. In fact, one study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found 74% of moms and 70% of dads reported preferential treatment toward one child.
One social psychologist noted that favoritism is more likely “when parents are under a great deal of stress (e.g., marital problems, financial worries). In these cases, parents may be unable to inhibit their true feelings or monitor how fair they're behaving.”
Want to be a happier parent? Grow your family to at least four children! According to a study out of Australia's Edith Cowan University, parents with the most life satisfaction (which means those who are the happiest) are those that have four or more children. Dr.
“The biggest long-term dangers are depression, anxiety, unstable or even traumatic reactions in personal relationships, and performance anxiety for both the favored and non-favored children,” says Williams. She also discusses self-esteem issues and feelings of rejection following the child into adulthood.
First-born kids tend to be leaders, like CEOS and founders, and are more likely to achieve traditional success. Middle-born children often embody a mix of the traits of older and younger siblings, and they're very relationship-focused.
A recent study has found that it's not the youngest child that's liked the most. It's actually the eldest! While eldest children around the world have had to be the example for their younger siblings and parents being extra strict on them, it looks like there was a good reason.
Researchers have found that 74% of mothers and 70% of fathers admit to having a favourite child - and children say there is a bias towards the eldest one.... READ MORE ABOUT: Children.
If the perception of favoritism is causing negative consequences in your family, it's time to seek professional help. But having a preferred child doesn't have to be a bad thing. In fact, recognizing that you have a favorite can help you to have a better relationship with all of your children.
Favoritism may cause a child to have anger or behavior problems, loneliness, increased levels of depression, a lack of self-esteem, or a refusal to interact with others. These issues may appear in children who were favored by a parent and those who were not.
It can be due to how proud parents are of a particular child; the closeness of their relationship with that child, as well as the degree to which that child's values align with theirs.” This may come as a surprise to some, but gender and birth order play a part, too.
Not worrying may be easier said than done, but truly, parental preference is a normal and healthy part of toddlerhood. It can pop up between ages one to three, as children become more independent and learn to express their opinions.
Nepotism/Cronyism
The most common cause of favoritism occurring at work is the manager knowing an employee on a personal level. This could be because they are related or knew each other before they worked together, but it can also be because they developed a personal friendship after meeting through work.
Golden child syndrome, or being a “golden child,” is a term typically used by family, and most often by parents, to refer to a child in the family that's regarded as exceptional in some way. The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.”
Favoritism at work can jeopardize the trust employees have in their leaders or their teammates, breed resentment, create conflicts, and undermine collaboration. In fact, a study by the O.C. Tanner Institute found that favoritism can stifle engagement and increase the odds of employee burnout by 23%.
Child number two or three doesn't make a parent happier. And, for mothers, he found, more children appear to make them less happy—although they are happier than childless women. For dads, additional children had no effect on their well-being in his study.
According to a survey conducted by British parenting website Bounty, two girls are considered the best combination for parents to have a happy and harmonious family life. In their study, they surveyed 2,116 parents who had children aged 16 and under.
The most unhappy time of your life is your forties, according to a phenomenon known as the “u-shaped” curve which states that happiness bottoms out around your forties then trends back up as you grow older.
Parental alienation syndrome develops in children who come to hate, fear, and reject the targeted parent as someone unworthy of having a relationship with them.
Other research has shown that parents favor the better-looking child because they have more of a chance of finding a mate. From an evolutionary perspective, parents favor the child that's most likely to reproduce. “In the end, it's about which child will yield more healthy offspring,” says Nikiforidis.