A person who loses a loved one may always carry sadness and miss the person who has died, but they are able to find meaning and experience pleasure again. Some people even find new wisdom and strength after experiences of loss.
In fact, it's possible to feel conflicting emotions all at once — and yes, it is OK to feel happy while simultaneously grieving. It can be confusing sorting through all those emotions, which is why it helps to take part in bereavement services in Alameda County and elsewhere.
We all expect to feel sad when someone dies. But feeling numb after death is actually very common. If it's something you're experiencing, you're not alone.
Everybody grieves in their own way, including: Physically: Headaches, feeling tired, achy muscles and nausea. Emotionally: Sadness, anger, disbelief, despair, guilt and loneliness. Mentally: Forgetfulness, lack of concentration, confusion and poor memory.
Feelings that may accompany the upward turn stage of grief include: Hopeful. Moments of happiness. Feeling a sense of well being.
Solitude in grief is both necessary and healing. If you are someone who avoids solitude, however, through constant distraction, busyness, or attachment to others, you may be avoiding your normal, necessary pain.
What is the hardest stage of grief? Depression is usually the longest and most difficult stage of grief. Depression can be a long and difficult stage in the grieving process, but it's also when people feel their deepest sadness.
Acceptance. The last stage of grief identified by Kübler-Ross is acceptance. Not in the sense that "it's OK my husband died" but rather, "my husband died, but I'm going to be OK." In this stage, your emotions may begin to stabilize.
Schadenfreude is pleasure or amusement in response to the misfortunes, pain, humiliation, or mistakes of other people.
You may also find that you can't stop thinking about the events leading up to the death. “Seeing” the person who has died and hearing their voice can happen because our brain is trying to process the death and accept that it's final. It's important to know this is normal.
People might feel or act differently to usual when they are grieving. They might have difficulty concentrating, withdraw and not enjoy their usual activities. They may drink, smoke or use drugs. They may also have thoughts of hurting themselves or that they can't go on.
Practice the three C's
As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” said Julie.
It is perfectly normal not to cry when someone dies. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone deals with loss in their own way. It doesn't mean that you don't care, that you are cold, or that you are broken in any way. It simply means that you process your emotions in a different way.
It is completely normal to feel profoundly sad for more than a year, and sometimes many years, after a person you love has died. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel better or move on because other people think you should. Be compassionate with yourself and take the space and time you need to grieve.
Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral? It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
We may have happy memories about the person, and there may be a part of us that's happy because they're no longer suffering or in pain, so there can be parts of a funeral that have happiness. But when someone we care about dies, the normal and natural human response is grief. We're sad, and it's healthy to be sad.
As a general rule, if you feel like you want to attend the service and you've been invited, then you should attend. If you didn't know the person who died but you have a relationship with the bereaved—even if only a casual relationship—your attendance can help to make the bereaved feel cared for and supported.
Often the second year is the hardest as that's when the real grief work might begin. This is the time when you may be ready to face your grief head on and deal with any issues that are holding you back. If you're not ready yet though, don't feel guilty. There is no deadline and everyone grieves in their own time.
Grief can rewire our brain in a way that worsens memory, cognition, and concentration. You might feel spacey, forgetful, or unable to make “good” decisions. It might also be difficult to speak or express yourself. These effects are known as grief brain.
Grief can change your personality on a temporary or more permanent basis based on various factors including how profound the loss was, your internal coping skills, your support system, your general temperament, your general stress tolerance, and your outlook on life.
Surprisingly, the risk of death following the loss of a sibling is higher than that after losing a parent.