Close family and friends of the person who died will likely attend the visitation and funeral service. Others may attend both or may need to or prefer to attend one or the other but not both. Visitation may take place the day before the funeral, the evening before or even just hours before the funeral service.
As with a funeral service, if you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation you should feel free to go. If the event is limited to family only, you should respect the family's wishes and not attend.
If you didn't know the deceased personally
To support them, you can go to the wake but not the funeral. Attending the wake helps express your condolences. And is appropriate for this kind of relationship. Your presence will be appreciated.
Is It Disrespectful to Not Go to a Funeral? It is at your discretion to decide whether attending a certain funeral is disrespectful or not. Keep in mind, that family and friends may have an opinion on your decision to not attend, so it's best to be prepared with a response that explains why you've opted out.
Viewings are typically a smaller affair than funerals, and they take place before the funeral. Viewings can last for less than a day, or they can last for several days in a row. They occur after the deceased has been prepared by a mortician. A cremation urn may be present instead, if the deceased was cremated.
A viewing is typically for friends and family to see the body of their loved one a final time to say their goodbyes. A viewing is normally held at a public place, such as the funeral home or church, where the service will be soon following.
While black is always a great go-to if you're unsure about what you're wearing, colors like gray and navy are also appropriate. Your most important goal is to avoid wearing anything that will distract attention away from the loved one who has passed away.
It is not a selfish act to request not to have a funeral after you pass away. There are many reasons why you may not want to have a funeral and any of them are valid. You deserve to have any send-off that you wish for, so don't be afraid to share your last wishes with your family openly and honestly.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
If you do not want to hold a service
You are not legally required to hold a service. However, if you do not hold an official service, you will still need to organise what's referred to as a 'no service, no attendance' burial or cremation. The cheapest option for this is direct cremation.
Stealing anything from a deceased person or their family is obviously a no-go. Even “just a flower or two,” is also disrespectful.
If you're attending a visitation or calling hours, it's best to wear something modest but not over-the-top; dress like you're going to church on an average Sunday. For women, dress pants and a nice top will do fine, or perhaps a versatile dress. For men, slacks and a button-down are appropriate.
We recommend wearing dark or neutral colors, because darker colors reflect the mourning atmosphere of the service or visitation. Clothing can be formal (think suits and dresses) or casual (pants or nice jeans and shirts).
It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable only attending the funeral; however, you might like the chance to speak to the family in a more relaxed setting at the visitation. As long as you're kind and respectful, the choice is yours.
If you have an adult with you at the funeral home, it is ok to touch a dead body, and you will not get in trouble. You are naturally curious, and sometimes when you see and touch a dead body it helps you answer your questions. Remember to be gentle and have an adult help you.
Here are a few examples of comments to avoid: “I know exactly how you feel.” “God never gives us more than we can handle. God must have needed another angel in heaven. This is God's plan.” “Just try to be strong.” Or anything starting with the words “at least,” such as, “At least you have your other children with you.
Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral? It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.
Is It Appropriate to Take Photos at a Funeral? Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
For this is what the LORD says: "Do not enter a house where there is a funeral meal; do not go to mourn or show sympathy, because I have withdrawn my blessing, my love and my pity from this people," declares the LORD.
It's possible to be both angry and happy, sad and relieved, frustrated and grateful — all at the same time. It's not wrong, it's just the way we are wired. Our bodies and minds find a way to balance out emotions, striving to find the good in every situation. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism of sorts.
Viewings and visitations are usually formal events, so guests will usually be expected to wear formal and modest attire. For women, this can include things such as dresses, dress pants, blouses, etc. For men, this can consist of suits, collared shirts, ties, etc.
A visitation usually lasts a few hours, but it's more of a come-and-go event. Guests are not obligated to stay throughout and can arrive and leave anytime. General etiquette dictates that if you're a close friend, you should stay a few hours to show your support and help. If you're not, 15 – 20 minutes is okay.
Flat shoes or pumps are your best choice for shoes. Open-toed shoes or sandals may be appropriate depending on the venue and climate. Depending on the culture, a hat may be worn. Unless there are special circumstances, jeans are usually considered too casual.