Mr Turnbull says some people don't feel the need for a funeral service at all because they've had a full life with that person and have said all they feel they need to. If you can't go and you want to show the family you care, sending a handwritten card is a good way to let them know, says Ms Lamberg-Burnet.
It might seem disrespectful not to attend a parent's funeral, but this is ultimately a personal choice. There is no obligation to attend a funeral, and you might find that you would like to say goodbye in your own way. If you were estranged from the parent, you may have already grieved their death in your own way.
Some individuals may feel too sad to go to the funeral, may not feel emotionally able to attend, or may have a complex situation that would make attending the funeral unpleasant or unsafe. It is not wrong to not attend a funeral if you feel physically or emotionally unsafe doing so.
To support them, you can go to the visitation, but not the funeral. What really matters is you show up when it means the most. You may not know how important it is to have the people you care about around when you are grieving. Showing support during a visitation, funeral, or both is vital.
One of the most important reasons to go to a funeral is to pay your respects. Being there shows that you want to support the family and help say a meaningful goodbye. At the same time, it allows you to honor the deceased and the memories you shared with them.
It's considered proper etiquette to pay your respects in another way if you're unable to attend the funeral. While you shouldn't feel guilty if you can't attend, you should take action to honor the deceased and their family.
Unless the family wants the funeral or memorial service to be private, you are welcome to attend. If you are close to the bereaved or the deceased, live close by and have no extenuating circumstances, then, by all means, go to the funeral. In fact, if you don't go, your presence may be missed.
There's nothing wrong with not attending a parent's funeral if there isn't a pressing need or motivation to be there. There are many reasons why a person may feel the need to skip out on the funeral or memorial service.
Please accept my sincerest apologies for not being able to attend the funeral. My heart aches knowing that I can't be there to support you all during this difficult time. You may not feel it is necessary to explain why you aren't at the funeral.
Necrophobia is a specific phobia of death, or things associated with it, such as funerals, coffins and graveyards. Most of the time, however, our worries and nerves are linked to other things such as social anxiety or difficulty expressing emotion.
There are no legal rules about who can go to a funeral.
When You Should Attend Just the Wake or Just the Funeral. Someone wise once said that you should attend the wake if you would like to show support to the survivors. You should attend the funeral if you need to grieve yourself. If you find yourself in both camps, attend both the wake and the funeral.
It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable only attending the funeral; however, you might like the chance to speak to the family in a more relaxed setting at the visitation. As long as you're kind and respectful, the choice is yours.
You need not stay long; fifteen minutes gives you enough time to express your sympathy and offer your support. Of course, if the bereaved indicates they would like you to remain for a while, take your cue from them and stay longer. Use your own judgment.
Should I attend both the wake and the funeral? It is respectful to attend both, but not compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable attending the wake, or you have a prior commitment you can't avoid, it's polite to let the grieving family know in advance – a phone call or message is usually appropriate.
It's Okay to Cry: How to Embrace Crying and Your Feelings. Finally, remind yourself that crying at a funeral is a natural part of the grieving process. You're allowed to show your emotions, even if it feels awkward at first. In fact, some cultures include crying as part of the wake etiquette.
An unattended funeral is when a person is cremated or buried without having a funeral service. This means there are no family or friends at the funeral. Instead, everything is organised by a funeral director. It's sometimes also called a closed funeral or a no service funeral.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
Usually people say a short prayer by the casket and then proceed to share their condolences with the family. Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family.
You can demonstrate your love, attention, and support to a grieving person in a number of ways. While just your presence can be enough, still a kind word, a compassionate touch, or a loving hug can mean much to show the bereaved that you care about and support them.
As with a funeral service, if you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation you should feel free to go. If the event is limited to family only, you should respect the family's wishes and not attend.
You may think that not attending at all would be the best solution to dealing with your anxieties and fears, but many people will regret not taking the opportunity to show their respects and say their final goodbyes to a loved one.
A trigger is anything in our environment that brings up the pain of our loss. It can be a sight, smell, taste, or sound that brings up a certain feeling or emotion for us. Triggers can come up out of no where and hit us like a ton of bricks. Funerals are a common trigger, but they are far from the only trigger.
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.