Individuals with symptoms of borderline personality disorder may experience great pain when their romantic partners leave them. If you are breaking up with someone with BPD, being compassionate and gentle will benefit both you and your loved one. Blame and defensiveness is best avoided when breaking up a relationship.
Many people with BPD have suffered abuse themselves in childhood. At the same time, you have a right to protect yourself from harm. If you're in a relationship with someone who shows signs and symptoms of BPD, it may be necessary to end the relationship or seek professional help.
When a person with BPD feels abandoned, it can have a serious effect on their self-image and behavior, as well as their ability to maintain relationships.
Although some BPD relationships can last, yours might not. It might be because it's detrimental to your well-being or simply not the type of relationship you want to be in. You could also come across more serious issues like your partner refusing to seek help and engaging in repetitive destructive, violent behaviors.
Can You Ignore or Say No to Someone with BPD? You can ignore them if you feel disrespected or unsafe, but do this as a last resort when communicating your boundaries hasn't worked. Acknowledge their feelings, but express that you feel disrespected, upset, or overwhelmed by their current behavior.
Loneliness may be common with BPD, but it's not impossible to overcome. There are many strategies you can use to feel less alone, such as joining a support group, taking classes, caring for an animal, and finding new ways to communicate with your loved ones. You may also want to consider engaging in therapy.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
However, it is important to note that some couples may stay together for over 20 years, whereas other anecdotal evidence from personal experiences suggests that relationships lasting between 2-4 years are more common.
People living with BPD often have an intense fear of instability and abandonment. As a result, they have problems being alone. The condition is also known for anger, mood swings, and impulsiveness. These qualities can dissuade people from being around someone with BPD.
BPD splitting episodes do not have a time limit. They can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months. In some cases, the person with BPD may split on a person, situation, or item forever and never back away from their extreme view.
Conversely, the individual with BPD may end the relationship abruptly and without warning. They may state that their partner is not meeting their needs or is not worth their time, and may move on to a new relationship without looking back.
Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
Push/Pull behaviors
Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
If they tell you that having less contact with you than when you were previously in a relationship is causing them pain, then it may be best to go no contact. On occasion, a BP might actually initiate no contact. If that happens, accept that this is what they have deemed this necessary for their healing.
It is best to leave as soon as you can. Borderlines need a lot of therapy (maybe even life-long) if there is going to be even a little bit of hope. Do other people diagnosed with BPD find that when someone significant leaves their life, they don't miss them and just continue with life?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of the most damaging mental illnesses. By itself, this severe mental illness accounts for up to 10 percent of patients in psychiatric care and 20 percent of those who have to be hospitalized.
Concern About Patients Sabotaging Treatment. Sometimes individuals with symptoms of BPD lash out so intensely that it sabotages the treatment in such a way that even the most skilled therapist cannot stop this process.
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
Borderline personality disorder can impact relationships.
“Relationships with an untreated BPD individual can feel exhausting, a never-ending process of putting out fires,” says Gilbert. Sometimes those with BPD are aware of how their symptoms can be destructive to relationships.
Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age.
Instability is common in relationships where one person has BPD. Many people with BPD are afraid of intimacy, so instead of getting too close to someone they fear might leave or hurt them, they push them away or withdraw from the relationship.
Through therapy, people are able to learn skills for managing their intense emotions, improving their self-worth, and strengthening their capacity to form healthy relationships. With the right support and resources, people with BPD can overcome their fears of abandonment and lead strong, healthy, fulfilling lives.
To complicate matters, people with BPD often experience an intense fear of abandonment, sometimes due to their self-image issues, and may have difficulty spending time alone. When they're with people, they can demonstrate bouts of anger, moodiness or impulsivity that can push loved ones away.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
It's characterized by unstable moods and emotions, which affect relationships and behaviors. As a result, friendships with people with BPD can be rocky. Sometimes, people with BPD engage in behaviors that can seem manipulative, mean-spirited, or destructive.