Yes, it's rude. But it's not uncommon - funerals are often attended by older people, who often unintentionally fall asleep at inappropriate times. Be kind and understanding. Just showing up for the funeral is a sign of respect - don't make an issue of it if this happens.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
The worst things to say at a funeral
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral? It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
As a general rule, everyone is welcome at a funeral and you don't need to wait for an invitation. This includes those who didn't know the deceased but would like to offer their support to the family or another guest. Witnessing a big turnout at a funeral is often a great source of comfort to the bereaved family.
Is It Disrespectful to Not Go to a Funeral? It is at your discretion to decide whether attending a certain funeral is disrespectful or not. Keep in mind, that family and friends may have an opinion on your decision to not attend, so it's best to be prepared with a response that explains why you've opted out.
Family Seating Order at a Funeral
The closest family should sit in the front, with additional close family members behind them, such as cousins or grandchildren. In the case of a blended family where children were close to the deceased, they may choose to sit with their parents or in the row behind them.
You definitely do not want to take a picture of the casket, because that can be highly disrespectful, as well. If you want to take a picture of anything specific, like a decoration or the memorial display, you will need to ask the family for permission. If they do not agree, respect their wishes and do not insist.
Not say or do anything at all
Sometimes when you don't know what to say, you might feel the urge to avoid or ignore the bereaved. While they may not notice in their grievous state, if you are an important person in their life, they most likely will eventually take note.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.
It is perfectly normal not to cry when someone dies. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone deals with loss in their own way. It doesn't mean that you don't care, that you are cold, or that you are broken in any way. It simply means that you process your emotions in a different way.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.
While it is not common for funeral directors to openly weep, they may get emotional and cry as a result of the sadness and grief they witness. It is understandable that a funeral director may have a hard time maintaining their composure during a funeral service, especially if it is for someone they knew personally.
A skirt or dress – these should be knee-length and not flashy or revealing, normally with tights. A pair of smart trousers – jeans and other casual trousers are not appropriate for a funeral. A pair of smart full-length or ankle grazer trousers in a dark colour can be a good option.
If you are dreading the moment, you are not alone. You may have heard that public speaking, along with death, are mentioned by many as their biggest fears. So talking at a funeral, where the two come together, is a very brave act indeed!
It's possible to be both angry and happy, sad and relieved, frustrated and grateful — all at the same time. It's not wrong, it's just the way we are wired. Our bodies and minds find a way to balance out emotions, striving to find the good in every situation. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism of sorts.
Advantages of open-casket funerals
Allows friends and family members to kiss the deceased goodbye one last time. The family can hold the decedent's hand. Everyone can take comfort in seeing the deceased looking beautiful and at peace.
Are you clothed when you are cremated? Cremation of a body can be done with or without clothing. Typically, if there has been a traditional funeral (with the body) present, the deceased will be cremated in whatever clothing they were wearing.
It is very unlikely that meningococci would survive in a body, including the nasopharynx, for long after death, especially if the body is embalmed. Transmission of meningococci through hongi (pressing noses), kissing, or other close contact with the body is extremely unlikely.
At the funeral
For the funeral procession, the etiquette for who goes in funeral cars is usually immediate family after the hearse, followed by other family members and friends, then others who were important to your loved one.
General Seating Rules
For the most part, the first few rows of seating are designated for family only, with immediate family (and spouses or significant others) sitting in the very first row and extended family members sitting behind them.