Participating in a funeral as a pallbearer is a time-honored tradition and a sign of trust. It's both an honor and a responsibility. After all, you have been asked to accompany a dearly loved person to their final resting place, which means the family trusts and values you.
Pallbearers are usually chosen by the closest relatives of the person who has died, and may be family members, close friends or co-workers. Although pallbearers have traditionally always been men, women are now also given the role. It is considered a great honour to be a pallbearer.
An honorary pallbearer is a pallbearer that does not actively carry the casket at the funeral service. Depending on the family's wishes, honorary pallbearers may or may not have reserved seating. It is customary for the honorary pallbearers to walk behind the casket being carried by the 6-8 active pallbearers.
The role of a pallbearer at a funeral comes with both honor and responsibility. Pallbearer duties primarily consist of helping to carry the casket during a traditional funeral or burial. Below, we have outlined what a pallbearer is responsible for, as well as the etiquette attached to this important role.
In most funerals, there are some common choices while selecting pallbearers. Siblings, adult children, grown-up grandchildren or close friends, colleagues or nephews and nieces are frequently selected as pallbearers. There is no written rule as to who can handle this task.
Of course, there is always the option of not using pallbearers at all. In this instance, the funeral home is generally able to provide a wheeled cart or another method of transporting the casket and remains to their final destination.
Unless the family expresses a desire otherwise, it is customary in most cases for pallbearers to wear a suit, sports coat, and optional tie. It is not necessary, of course, but the dress represents the dignity & respect of the role.
If you don't feel comfortable carrying the coffin or casket of a loved one, you do not have to accept the role. If this is the case, politely decline the offer and let whoever is arranging the funeral know why; they will most likely understand and respect your decision.
If you're overcome with emotion and crying, you will find it's more challenging to carry out your tasks. Take a few deep breaths and try to keep yourself calm. Crying is ok, but at the same time, the work of a pallbearer is important and will require focus.
Pallbearers need to dress appropriately. Unless the bereaved specify otherwise, men should wear dark, solid suits with white shirts and conservative ties, and women should wear dark pantsuits or dresses. You really don't want to trip when carrying the casket.
Pallbearers will have to carry the casket with the body inside, so they will have to transport the body's weight and the coffin. 370 to 400 pounds is the final weight that pallbearers will carry if the casket is standard sized, 200 pounds heavy, whereas the adult body is 200 pounds (male) or 170 pounds (female).
Talk to the people you're considering as pallbearers to let them know that you'd like them to participate. You might want to explain what the role entails and why you're asking the person to participate in this way. If a person has concerns about his or her ability to perform the role, you can address those concerns.
It's best, however, to avoid selecting people who will need to be there to support another family member. For example, a grown son may need to sit with (and offer moral support to) his mother rather than serve as a pallbearer at his father's funeral.
This must only be done by the funeral director with the consent of the deceased person's family. This may mean you can't touch the body, but for many people, simply touching the casket can be enough. You may also wish to consider leaving a flower, or flowers, as a symbolic farewell.
The casket is not lowered to the ground by the pallbearers. At the end of the service, the funeral director and staff are in charge of lowering the casket. At the graveside, the role of the pallbearer comes to a close and they sit or stand to join their family and friends.
Traditionally pallbearers wear a suit or formal dress in black or dark colour. However, less traditional funeral clothing is becoming more popular. So it's best to ask the family or funeral director what the pallbearer dress code is.
Know the weight of the person in the coffin and bear in mind that wooden coffins are also quite heavy, adding up to 20kg. If the load is more than 90kgs (14 stones) you will need six bearers. If the load is more than 125 kilos (20 stones), you should think very carefully about carrying the coffin.
It is a common practice to cover the legs as there is swelling in the feet and shoes don't fit. As part of funeral care, the body is dressed and preserved, with the prime focus on the face. Post embalming, bodies are often placed without shoes; hence covering the legs is the way to offer a dignified funeral.
Coffins and caskets alone, on average, can weigh around 25-40kg, but can weigh up to 100kg. The actual weight including the deceased will, of course, vary. We would suggest that only those of a reasonable level of fitness and the confidence to carry at least 25kg take on this important role.
Is Carrying a Coffin Heavy for Pallbearers? Yes, carrying a coffin can be burdensome for pallbearers. The body, casket, and hardware may weigh 400 pounds. If that weight is divided evenly among six pallbearers, each one is responsible for about 66 pounds.
Traditionally, there are six pallbearers at a funeral, as there are usually six handles on a casket (three on each side), though there are often two handles on the front and back sides of a casket, allowing for eight pallbearers.
As a rule, four or six Pallbearers carry or escort a coffin at the funeral. As a rule, the people chosen to do this this are usually very close family members and friends. Moreover, family and friends may ask to carry out this imoportant funeral role.
There is no standard for pallbearer gifts, but those who opt to provide them should make sure that the gesture is meaningful and honors the service—even if just a small token of gratitude.
As early as the 1700s, gloves were given to pallbearers by the deceased's family to handle the casket. They were a symbol of purity, and considered a symbol of respect and honor.
Pallbearers typically sit together in one of the first rows on the right. At some funerals, pallbearers sit with their family or friends in the congregation. If this is the case, just make sure that you speak with the funeral director so you understand when you are required to leave your seat to help move the casket.