Someone who is passive-aggressive often lets others take control while someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or directly forceful. So, someone who is passive-aggressive exerts their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Passive aggression is a type of indirect aggression. It allows a person to express anger and related emotions without directly communicating these feelings. People expressing passive aggression often retain the ability to deny that they intended their behavior aggressively.
What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today.
While passive aggression can be used as a coping mechanism, it is not a healthy one. Others may react with hostility when confronted with someone who is passive-aggressive, and this reaction can compound issues and increase tension in a relationship.
There are many possible causes of passive aggression, such as fear of conflict, difficulty expressing emotions, low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness. People who tend to be more introverted may also struggle with expressing their needs or wants directly.
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. However, passive-aggressive behavior can interfere with relationships and cause difficulties on the job.
In fact, fake politeness is rated as the worst example of passive-aggressive behavior, according to 24% of respondents. Other behaviors ranking among the worst include fake or feigned innocence (17%) and weaponized kindness (14%). People use weaponized kindness by being overly kind as a manipulation tactic.
Constant displays of passive-aggressive behavior may be a sign of conditions like depression or related to symptoms like PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Here are a few of the more common traits that are associated with this thought pattern.
What is passive-aggressive personality disorder? Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) causes people to express negative feelings and emotions subtly or passively rather than directly. This often creates a contradiction between what they say and do.
Acts out aggression physically
A passive-aggressive person may slam doors, move things around loudly, or use other physical means of getting their point across without words.
Passive aggression is a behavioral expression of hostility, and it can be both a personality trait and part of a broader personality disorder.
Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority. Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands. Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude. Frequent complaints about feeling underappreciated or cheated.
Loneliness as passive-aggressive behavior
A passive-aggressive person will avoid face-to-face confrontation. They can't show their feelings; therefore, being lonely will improve peace of mind. Most passive aggressors will isolate themselves to clear harsh feedback.
Passive-aggressive behavior can be intensely frustrating for the target because it's hard to identify, difficult to prove, and may even be unintentional. Passive aggression can lead to more conflict and intimacy issues, because many people struggle to have a direct and honest conversation about the problem at hand.
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
Examples of passive-aggression are playing the game of emotional “get-back” with someone by resisting cooperation with them, giving them the “silent treatment,” pouting or whining, not so accidentally “forgetting” something they wanted you to do because you're angry and didn't really feel like obliging them, etc.
But make no mistake: Passive-aggression is an expression of hostility in relationships. "Passive-aggression is how the weak and powerless try to thwart the authority of those who they view as strong and powerful," says Wetzler.
It's important to note that not all passive-aggressive individuals are narcissistic. What characterizes the passive-aggressive narcissist is their barely disguised sense of superiority, conceit, and entitlement. They are inclined to become covertly hostile when they don't get their way, no matter how unreasonable.