Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
When apologizing for passive-aggressive behavior, it is often important to take ownership of your actions fully. You can acknowledge to your partner that you know you were acting passively aggressively and explain the underlying feelings that contributed to your behavior.
Since passive aggression is motivated by a person's belief that expressing anger directly will only make his life worse (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008), the passive aggressive person uses phrases like "Fine" and "Whatever" to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.
The Takeaway Apology: "I am sorry but..."
“I am sorry, but other people thought what I said was funny.” “I'm sorry, but you started it.” “I am sorry but I just couldn't help it.” “I am sorry, but I was just speaking the truth.”
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Passive-aggressiveness is a behavior where people tend to avoid direct conflict and express their anger indirectly through sulking, procrastination, withdrawal, stubbornness, controlling, and sabotaging tasks (1).
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
WordFinder also identified some of the least passive-aggressive work phrases, including “Sorry to bother you again,” “Any update on this” and “I'll take care of it.” According to Mercurio, the difference in the delivery of these phrases have to do with timing and attitude.
As a psychiatrist I teach my patients to address passive aggressive behavior directly as the person may not be aware of the impact on you since they are short on empathy.
The good news is that there is a way to stop this behavior, both in ourselves and in others. The key is to remember this six-word phrase: "Attack the problem, not the person."
It's an instant shutdown that lacks empathy for how you may be feeling – a passive-aggressive way of saying, 'I don't have the energy, curiosity or responsibility to find out why my actions, behaviours or words have hurt you. ' And it implies you shouldn't be feeling that way at all.
Avoid saying things like “I'm sorry you were offended” or “I'm sorry the group felt like I was out of line”. Doing this shifts the blame onto others and can really backfire as most people pick up on this type of weak apology. Casting doubt on others' experience of the situation or questioning what transpired.
Using passive aggressive politeness - a pompous, outmoded tone that's deeply offensive, even though it doesn't actually say anything rude.
Aggressive communication is described as expressing your feelings and opinions strongly and as they occur. Clients were taught the verbal characteristics of aggressive communication (eg, shouting, yelling, demanding, commanding, blaming, being critical, or being verbally abusive).
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
Passive-aggressive actions can erode the health of your relationships and friendships. Your passive-aggression points to an unmet need, and if you don't communicate openly, you likely will never get this need met, and the relationship may crumble around it. Passive aggression can hurt your career.
Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies, or exaggeration of the truth. Passive-aggressiveness can be defined as anger or hostility in disguise, expressed in underhanded ways to exercise power, control, and deception, with the hopes of "getting away with it.”
Narcissists may use a blame-shifting apology, where they apologize but then shift the blame onto the other person. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me so angry.” This type of apology does not take responsibility for their actions and places the blame on the other person.
You acknowledge the wrongdoing without any ambiguity. Secondly, acknowledge the impact to the person you wronged. For instance, say, 'I see how that hurt/humiliated/dismissed you. ' Let them know they are heard and that you understand their pain.