A separation can strengthen a marriage if it's done for the right reasons and if there are clear agreements from the start. Elements of a successful separation that enhances a relationship include getting third-party support and maintaining regular communication.
So, does separation work to save a marriage? Yes, saving a marriage is very much possible. You can still reconcile with your partner, and rekindle your relationship if you develop a proper perspective and put in the needed effort.
That said, reconciliation after a legal separation is not especially common. According to U.S. statistics, 87 percent of couples who legally separate eventually get a divorce, while only 13 percent choose to come back together.
Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you're together and actively fighting through your issues.
Separation can allow you to tackle various aspects of the divorce process, such as establishing a child custody arrangement and dividing marital property, more calmly. Without court fees and timelines hovering over their heads, spouses may find navigating these legal disputes significantly easier during separation.
A recent study concluded that while the vast majority of married couples who separate will eventually divorce (within three years), approximately 15% remain separated indefinitely, even past the 10-year mark.
Using Power and Control. This is by far the most destructive force any human can bring to a marital relationship, and obviously includes the use of physical and sexual abuse or violence.
The time should ideally be between three and six months so a sense of urgency and sincerity is retained, especially where children are involved. The longer the separation continues, as people settle into their new routine, the harder it is to get back to the old life.
The 3x3 Rule! Basically, you and your partner get 3 hours a week of uninterrupted alone time. You can take those 3 hours all at once OR break it up into a half hour here, an hour there, etc. You also get 3 hours of uninterrupted TOGETHER time.
Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.
If you don't see any financial benefit from a legal separation and are certain you want to end your marriage, it might be best to go straight to a divorce. Otherwise, you'll spend time and money getting a legal separation only to have to go through the process all over again to get a divorce.
Depending on your relationship and the reasons you separated, there's still a chance you can work things out and get your marriage back on track. Statistics show that while 87 percent of separated couples end their relationship in divorce, the remaining 13 percent are able to reconcile post-separation.
Separation means that you are living apart from your spouse but are still legally married until you get a judgment of divorce. Although a separation doesn't end your marriage, it does affect the financial responsibilities between you and your spouse before the divorce is final.
I have also noted that client's have shown five distinct emotional stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Whilst this may not be true for everyone, certain feelings and behaviours can often resonate to identify these stages. Denial – A state of “shell shock”, a coping mechanism.
Men Are More Likely to Remarry
The rate for women was significantly lower, at only 19.4 per 1,000 women eligible for remarriage. This data indicates that men are consistently more likely to attempt a second marriage than women. Over the past decade, there has been a decline in remarriage rates for both men and women.
"If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both partners is spending all their time at work, with friends, online — and if feels like a relief not to be with each other — it's a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage." You don't support or listen to each other.
It is no surprise, then, that marital infidelity is a leading cause of divorce.
Studies have shown that while most separated couples end up divorcing, nearly 15% remain separated long term. 10% of all married couples in the U.S. have experienced a separation and reconciliation in their marriage. (Howard Weinberg, the Journal of Marriage in the Family, Feb. 1994.)
A 2002 study found that two-thirds of unhappy adults who stayed together were happy five years later. They also found that those who divorced were no happier, on average, than those who stayed together. In other words, most people who are unhappily married—or cohabiting—end up happy if they stick at it.