Recovering From an Affair Takes More Than Just “Sorry” Your partner needs you to live out your apology. True remorse will need as much effort or more. To know and believe you again, your partner needs to hear, see, feel, how sorry you are.
Signs Your Partner Is Truly Remorseful
Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain. It's about both words and actions.
But to move on, it's important to take accountability and apologize for them. Which is easier said than done! If you're truly sorry for betraying your partner, an apology for cheating is definitely called for. Here are some of the best things you can do and say to your partner to win them back.
Don't take too long to apologize
Immediately apologize if you're caught cheating. Don't let too much time pass before you let your partner know you're sorry for hurting them. If you do not apologize immediately, your partner might feel you're not sorry for your actions. Or, you do not care that you hurt their feelings.
Relationships can survive infidelity if both individuals are willing to do the work of processing their emotions and thoughts with the goal of healing from the infidelity together. Moving past infidelity takes time and patience, but healing can result in greater growth and resilience for the couple.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
This doesn't mean you aren't sorry for hurting your loved ones. But if you are the type of cheater who doesn't regret anything except the hurt, don't pretend that you regret the affair. If you have been caught or disclosed your affair, stop saying "I'm sorry" over and over again—if it's meaningless.
There is no one right answer decision. It all comes down to the unique relationship you have with your partner and whether or not you feel it is possible to forgive them for cheating. If you decide it is not possible, that's okay. And if you decide it is possible, that's okay too.
If you do not give the truth, your partner will create it.
In this stage, hurt partners tend to be haunted by the affair. They may think about it from the moment they wake to the moment they go to sleep. Many cannot find peace even in their dreams. Some wake in the middle of the night with anxiety, anger, and sadness.
But other cheaters aren't repeat offenders; they're people who made one mistake. There are also different reasons people cheat, and those influence whether or not they'll do it again. According to Nelson, a person could simply enjoy the act of cheating may never change because it's built in to their personality.
Johns Hopkins University. "Married people who cheat don't often regret it: Infidelity survey reveals little remorse, high rates of satisfaction." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 22 May 2023.
Marin understood the pain that cheating could cause but warned against generalizing those who have been unfaithful. "People who cheat, they're not terrible, evil, horrible people. There are plenty of really great, wonderful people who cheat, as well," added Marin.
In practice, it tends to be uncommon for a relationship to survive instances of cheating. One study found that only about 16 percent of couples who'd experienced unfaithfulness were able to work it out.
That plays into how likely a cheater is to get forgiven: 76 percent of the women would forgive their partner for a sexual affair, while only 35 percent of the men would, the survey found.
Apologize sincerely
To move on from the betrayal, your partner must give you a heartfelt and serious apology for their actions. Whether you accept your partner's apology may depend on whether this is a one-time behavior or whether this is a consistent pattern in your relationship.
If you and your partner want to work toward healing, you can take steps by being honest about your infidelity, open to acknowledging issues, and seeking professional support to help you rebuild trust. You and your partner will likely experience a lot of emotions during the rebuilding process, but that's to be expected.
Coincidentally, 40% of couples walking through the effects of cheating are now separated or divorced. Compare this with the numbers around those who have never struggled with unfaithfulness. Only 17% of American adults who have never struggled with infidelity are divorced.
With time apart, they may realize that the comforts of family life may be more important than the short-lived thrill of infidelity. With this realization, they may choose to do the hard work of rebuilding a broken marriage. A separation maintains a thread of connection on which to recover a relationship.
Experts like Nelson agree the only reason to stay with a cheating spouse is if he or she is deeply and genuinely sorry for the betrayal and willing to work for your forgiveness. This means they show they understand the pain you went through after learning about the affair, Dr.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.