Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.
The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.
Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include lateness, avoidance, and silence. Passive-aggressive behavior can damage relationships and make communication difficult.
Using the silent treatment is an unproductive way of communicating within a relationship. It can sometimes be a form of self-protection, but at other times, it indicates emotional abuse. People who regularly use or experience the silent treatment should take steps to address it.
Emphasize your interest to hear how they feel: “I could tell you're upset and I would like to hear what is upsetting you.” Be aware of any tendency to blame yourself, respond with anger, or plead. Even if you contributed to hurting your partner's feelings, how they respond is their choice.
The silent treatment, or stonewalling, is a passive-aggressive form of manipulation and can be considered emotional abuse. It is a way to control another person by withholding communication, refusing to talk, or ignoring the person.
Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.
If someone displays unmanageable emotions and easily flies off the handle, this is a serious red flag. Responding with uncontrollable rage or the "silent treatment" could point to abusive (physical or emotional) behavior in the future, says Trombetti.
Silent treatment can be an immature way of dealing with situations and its practice should not be made a habit of. Imagine you have upset your loved one for some reason and they are angry with you.
Research has found that people who received the silent treatment experienced a threat to their needs of belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaningful existence. This type of behavior reinforces the feeling that someone we care about wants nothing to do with us. It can feel as though you don't exist.
Being left in silence can be extremely painful, as it involves the loss of connection, love, intimacy, and sometimes even family participation. It can also feel unfair and unkind, leading to anger and further fighting.
Being ignored stimulates the part of the brain that detects physical pain, so silent treatment is very emotionally and physically painful. It can lead to negative emotions, like distress and anger. In addition, people who are often ignored tend to have lower self-esteem and feel that their lives have less meaning.
I had no idea that responding to the silent treatment gives the person doing it a false sense of control. That's definitely not OK. Left unchecked, the silent treatment becomes a pattern of behavior and emotional abuse that is used to manipulate over time.
Being silent as a form of defence
People that feel unable to communicate on an emotional level can feel safe behind a wall of silence. Instead of being present and engaged through difficulties they abandon you emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Narcissistic silent treatment is a type of narcissistic manipulation and narcissistic abuse. Narcissists may use the silent treatment to communicate they are unhappy with you, to control you, or as a form of punishment.
A narcissist's silent treatment can last for hours, days, weeks, or even months. Our survey among 500 people who have experienced narcissistic abuse revealed that on average, a narcissist's silent treatment lasts four-and-a-half days and usually ends when the narcissist needs more narcissistic supply.
Silent Treatment – What It is and What It's Not
But here's the thing about blatantly ignoring someone: not only is it rude, immature, inconsiderate, cruel, and petty, it's downright emotionally (and sometimes physically) damaging. Ignoring someone is not an act of love. In fact, silent treatment qualifies as abuse.
No contact is you setting a boundary to regain control in your life. This is not abusive. Silent treatment from the narcissist is meant for you to “learn a lesson” and realize how wrong you were to the narcissist.
Quail says that silent treatment is different from planned ignoring. "The silent treatment is a punishment, and it's manipulative and cruel, while planned ignoring is a recognised behavioural skill," she clarifies.
It may be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence. Clinical psychologist Harriet Braiker identifies it as a form of manipulative punishment.
No, "the silent treatment" is not acceptable : it's a tactic used by cowardly people who feel cross about something and have neither the skill or the guts to simply express their feelings politely and constructively.
Three major forms of silence are defined: Psycholinguistic Silence, of which there are two subtypes, designated Fast- time silence and Slow-time silence; Interactive Silence; and Sociocultural Silence. The three major forms are then briefly described as they relate to some important human communication functions.
As a form of control and punishment, there is certainly an element that is quite sadistic. In fact, when people are asked “Why did you give the silent treatment?”, the common answer is “I was punishing them”.