Should I go to a funeral of someone I haven't seen in years? The purpose of a funeral is to mourn the deceased and show support for their family. If you don't feel comfortable doing this then you are not obliged to attend a funeral.
Some reasons to not go to a funeral include: You want to go, but the service is private. The service is out of town and travel would be difficult. You are sick or have a chronic condition that would make it difficult, impossible, or highly uncomfortable to attend.
As a general rule, everyone is welcome at a funeral and you don't need to wait for an invitation. This includes those who didn't know the deceased but would like to offer their support to the family or another guest. Witnessing a big turnout at a funeral is often a great source of comfort to the bereaved family.
No matter what your decision is, it's important to do what feels right for you. There is no wrong choice when it comes to attending (or not attending) the funeral of an estranged family member. What matters most is that you honor your own grief and give yourself the time and space to process your thoughts and feelings.
Avoid dressing in casual clothing, such as athletic wear, tank tops, or shorts. Skip the flip-flops, tennis shoes, sneakers, or boat shoes. Remove the neon necktie, purse, or accessory. Shy away from wearing jeans, even black ones, because they are considered too casual for a funeral.
It's considered proper etiquette to pay your respects in another way if you're unable to attend the funeral. While you shouldn't feel guilty if you can't attend, you should take action to honor the deceased and their family.
Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure. Choosing whether to attend is at the discretion of each individual, family member. Whatever you choose, know that it isn't disrespectful to not go to a funeral for personal reasons.
Etiquette experts say your decision to attend should primarily depend on your relationship and level of closeness with the deceased and/or their family members. But the general rule of thumb is if you can make it, you should be there—especially if you have a deep respect for the departed.
Funerals may be faith based or a celebration of life. They will usually include a eulogy and often pictures, music, or readings are included. Attending either a funeral or visitation shows respect for human life and affection for those who have lost someone they love.
It is not a selfish act to request not to have a funeral after you pass away. There are many reasons why you may not want to have a funeral and any of them are valid. You deserve to have any send-off that you wish for, so don't be afraid to share your last wishes with your family openly and honestly.
Mourning the loss of someone you've never met is entirely normal and usually tied to the different stages of grief experienced after loss. Grief can impact us in many different ways and tends to accompany tragedy or significant loss in our lives.
Should I attend both the wake and the funeral? It is respectful to attend both, but not compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable attending the wake, or you have a prior commitment you can't avoid, it's polite to let the grieving family know in advance – a phone call or message is usually appropriate.
Is It Appropriate to Take Photos at a Funeral? Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
Something as simple as "I'm sorry to hear of your loss" can make the other person feel better. They will understand the sentiment behind your words. If you knew the person that passed away, you can mention a special memory. Even though they are painful sharing stories of past times together often brings comfort.
Yes. It is okay that you don't want to have a funeral. And there is nothing wrong with that. And, there is nothing wrong with your family and friends wanting to gather to remember and celebrate you.
For this is what the LORD says: "Do not enter a house where there is a funeral meal; do not go to mourn or show sympathy, because I have withdrawn my blessing, my love and my pity from this people," declares the LORD.
Funeral attendance tips:
If the deceased is a member of your family, a close friend or the relative of a close friend than every effort should be made to attend the funeral service as well as the wake.
A Filipino superstition holds that you should not go straight home after a funeral. If you do, death may follow you. So stop off somewhere else first.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.
Unless the family wants the funeral or memorial service to be private, you are welcome to attend. If you are close to the bereaved or the deceased, live close by and have no extenuating circumstances, then, by all means, go to the funeral. In fact, if you don't go, your presence may be missed.
A Few Words of Advice, Literally
Traditional funeral etiquette dictates that you should introduce yourself, starting with your name and how you knew the deceased. Express your condolences and move on. Don't monopolize the mourners. Give others a chance to share their support.
When should you not attend the funeral? In general, if you're on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse's life at one time. Even if you've gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real.