At this age, skill building — not punishment — should be the goal. “Kids usually want to do the right thing,” Dr. Eastman says. “But when they lack skills to handle a situation, they just choose the path of least resistance.
Instead of looking to punish the child, have a conversation about the importance of telling the truth, look and address the behavior behind the lie and if needed, establish age-appropriate logical consequences for your child in a respectful manner, making sure that lines of communication stay respectful and open.
“The baby broke my car.” “I didn't take out all these toys, the dog did.” The tall tales go on and on. But the truth of the matter is all kids lie occasionally. And although lying is a normal part of a child's development, it's not something you can overlook. As a parent, it's your job to teach honesty.
Rather, use very mild punishment (light reprimand, short loss of privilege, a brief time-out). More severe, harsh or enduring punishments (shouting, taking away something for a week, hitting) are not more effective in actually changing the frequency of lying.
It is not likely to change behavior or develop the behaviors you want. That does not mean ignoring lying or letting it go. Rather, use very mild punishment (light reprimand, brief loss of privilege, a brief period in time-out).
Say your child lied about not having homework all week. They need to do all that work. Plus, they should face a consequence like temporarily losing screen time. To avoid lies, let kids know they'll be in less trouble if they tell the truth.
This discipline tool works best by warning children they will get a time out if they don't stop, reminding them what they did wrong in as few words―and with as little emotion―as possible, and removing them from the situation for a pre-set length of time (1 minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb).
[color-box] Natural and logical Consequences for lying: What stems naturally from a child lying is that it erodes trust between parent and child. Therefore, this can be easily explained to a child. To extend it further, a logical consequence would be removing freedoms that could erode trust further.
At this age, skill building — not punishment — should be the goal. “Kids usually want to do the right thing,” Dr. Eastman says. “But when they lack skills to handle a situation, they just choose the path of least resistance.
Let's recap. There's no evidence to suggest that people living with ADHD lie more often than those who don't have the condition. But there are many situations in which someone with ADHD might lie as a coping mechanism, to cover up an impulsive behavior that wasn't thought through, or without even realizing it.
Like everything else, children learn to lie from the people around them. Parents and teachers show children in subtle — and not so subtle — ways to suppress their honesty.
They may also tell lies when they're feeling stressed, are trying to avoid conflict, or want attention. Sometimes kids lie when something bad or embarrassing has happened to them. They want to keep it hidden or to create a story for themselves that makes them feel better. Age and development play a role, too.
Try to tie the consequence directly to the misbehavior. 3 If your child rides their bike out of the designated area, take away bicycle privileges. If they refuse to pick up their toys, take the toys away. Just like there are many different types of discipline,2 there are also several different kinds of consequences.
But in early childhood, lying reflects an important milestone in cognitive development. When children start to lie, it means they understand that other people have different beliefs than they do. It means that they understand that people's beliefs do not directly reflect reality, but vary based on experience.
Most parents want to raise their children to be honest adults, so the first time that they catch their child in a lie it may come as an unpleasant surprise. But psychologists' research has found that lying is a normal part of childhood. In fact, it's a developmental milestone.
'Lying can be a coping mechanism for trauma for both adults and children, because trauma sufferers sometimes don't feel safe enough to tell the truth. '
Listen To Your Child's Version of What Happened
Once the facts seem fairly clear, you can have a discussion with your child and hear his side of it. Ask him to go back and talk about what he was thinking at the time—not what he was feeling. Focus on his faulty thinking.
Why would they say something that's so obviously false? To avoid having to face difficulties and ask for help. It's a way of coping with the challenges caused by ADHD. Lying takes away the pressure of having to figure out how to do tasks.
Some of the consequences of lying are:
2) If someone lies to you and you find out, you will be hurt. So, you should understand that in the same token if you tell a lie, it hurts others. 3) You may have to say more lies to cover up one lie. 4) When you lie, you feel a sense of uneasiness and dread at being caught.
It can also prevent them from learning how to healthily deal with their own feelings. Kids whose parents frequently lie to them are more likely to lie to their parents later in life. Lying about kids' talents or abilities might seem harmless, but it can effect their self-esteem.
Young children (ages 4-5) often make up stories and tell tall tales. This is normal activity because they enjoy hearing stories and making up stories for fun. These young children may blur the distinction between reality and fantasy.
Just as your four-year-old will not remember that wonderful visit you had at Grandma's house, they also will not remember the time you were so frustrated, stressed, or sleep deprived that you screamed at them.
Sure, bad behavior takes a huge upswing as kids get older, especially as they learn to communicate and function more independently. But they learn how to behave throughout all of childhood—not just within the first three years. So, if you find yourself wondering how to discipline a 4 year old, you're not alone.
IMPOSED Consequence:
Sometimes it can be as straightforward as taking away a toy that is being played with inappropriately – such as when a child throws pieces of a puzzle across the room. First you can try the following: You can state a rule: “No throwing in the house.” You can repeat your rule: “No throwing.”