Phrase things in terms of how they make you feel. Instead of saying “you shouldn't have done this,” say “I felt really hurt when you did this.” That way, they'll understand that their actions had an impact on your feelings.
While honesty is usually the best policy, it is okay to lie to protect yourself or someone else. Such lies can help ensure your safety in the moment until you are in a safer situation.
Honesty can indeed be a good policy. It's just that honesty alone is not enough to ensure honesty is always the best policy. The problem with honesty is that what is honest for you as an individual is merely a personal truth.
Knowing how to express your feelings considerately is therefore essential for you to feel close to people, and vice versa. While no-one intentionally says or does anything to hurt someone else's feelings, you are not in control of anyone else's experience.
As a whole, white lies are OK. They're even beneficial — if they're about being sensitive to your partner, she said. “White lies are not OK when they're meant to protect you, to hide things or cover up.
Honesty and integrity are key ingredients in developing trust. Trust is a key element in establishing credibility. Our credibility is at the center of our ability to influence others and provide strong leadership.
Honesty implies both truth-telling and responsible behavior that seeks to abide by the rules. 4 One may trust another person to behave honestly, but honesty is not identical to trustworthiness. A person may be honest but incompetent and so not worthy of trust.
Truth-telling leads to respect.
Your partner will respect you over time for telling the truth and it will create safety in your relationship. And, you being truthful will most likely also create respect for yourself within you and create inner contentment that makes you feel good about your choices.
If you're not close with the person
Mild and well-intentioned deception can be even more beneficial in distant relationships, says Levine. “In more competitive relationships or first interactions, honesty is a lot more precarious, can damage relationships and reduce trust,” she says.
Defensive: The most common reason for lying is to self-protect. There might be a real consequence or a perceived one that a person is trying to defend themselves against. Vindictive: Some people lie intentionally to cause harm to others because they feel harmed by that person.
Telling the truth or uncovering lies can lead to a loss of friends, status, access to decision making or credibility. Telling the truth in an environment of deceit is, according to George Orwell, “a revolutionary act.”
Others will respond to you negatively, when you honestly state your opinions without regard for their feelings. When you value sharing your honest opinion above concern for how others will react to what you say, they will usually respond with confusion, sadness, anxiety, frustration, anger, or worse.
Talk About Your Trust Issues
While you don't need to provide every detail about what happened to you in the past, being open about why you struggle with trust can help others understand you better. By communicating with your partner, they can be more aware of how their actions might be interpreted.
Honesty is the most important ingredient for any relationship, especially romantic ones. Without the trust that honesty builds, it's impossible to ground the relationship and make it stable. You just don't know who your partner is, what they honestly think, or whether things are going as well as you think they are.
Don't tell the person something potentially hurtful or embarrassing in front of other people; speaking to them alone as the best option. If you need to have an honest talk, aim for the right conditions. Choose a place that's quiet and away from other people and prying ears.
Sometimes telling the truth is difficult, because it can mean sacrificing something one genuinely wants or needs. It's easy to convince oneself that a small lie is harmless, but cheating is a slippery slope.
Oftentimes it can be easier to forgive others than ourselves. First, however, it is important to learn to forgive yourself for the way you've hurt others- so that you can move forward in freedom instead of being consumed by guilt and shame over the past.
If something you've done has caused pain for another person, it's a good idea to apologize, even if whatever you did was unintentional. This is because apologizing opens up the doors to communication, which allows you to reconnect with the person who was hurt.