If you want to confront a narcissist directly, try sending them an email instead of talking in person so that they can't interrupt or talk over you. If they're not willing to admit their wrongdoing, then it's best to distance yourself from them. Remember that their lies are only going to hurt you in the long run.
The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board.
Generally, they will resort to narcissistic rage (explosive or passive-aggressive) or denial. He or she may become enraged, deny everything, call you a liar, twist reality, blame you and then play the victim. You may be the recipient of rage and aggression or the victim of The Silent Treatment.
Confront their lies to break down their defenses.
If you've tried to be kind and diplomatic but the narcissist still won't tell the truth, admit that you think they're lying. Just make one simple critique. As soon as you say you doubt the narcissist's account, they're more likely to melt down and become illogical.
If you call out the narcissist about anything they feel like could expose them, expect rage. This could be commenting on their behaviors or calling them out on a lie. The narcissist rages to push people away and shut down any and all further communication.
They lie for self-gain believing that telling mistruths makes them look smarter than the other person. Having a victim at their side who they can lie to provides them with a constant narcissistic supply, someone that fuels their sickness.
Narcissists could never admit they would have done anything wrong. In order to protect their fragile ego, they continue to lie and gaslight, even themselves. This also means that you cannot “catch out” a Narcissist when they are lying.
A narcissist may react aggressively to criticism in an effort to avoid re-experiencing the loneliness they suffered in the past. In response to criticism, a narcissist may also take great pains to devalue or invalidate the person criticizing them.
The best ways you can do this is by asking them to repeat the story or asking for more detail. Asking the narcissist to repeat the suspected lie later isn't as bold as asking them to repeat it backwards, and if they do agree to it, you'll be able to easily spot inconsistencies.
Don't try to justify or explain yourself.
You need not justify your feelings or explain your thoughts. The more you do, the more you are at risk of them gaslighting you to induce self-doubt. Defending yourself to narcissists is generally a waste of time.
A narcissist's underdeveloped ego won't allow them to process or take in any information that contradicts their personal beliefs. Consequently, if you tell a narcissist that they act like one, they aren't going to hear you.
Manly finds it's best not to confront a narcissist directly. As difficult as it may be to constantly tiptoe around them, it can be better to manage their need to feel in charge. Don't try to direct them. Narcissists like to have control and often fear losing it.
When you don't depend on anyone to make money and you use your abundance to take care of yourself and not predators, you will always have the ability to control your own future. This is power, and pathologically envious narcissists are often turned off by it because it means they cannot easily control a victim.
So when they encounter a piece of information about narcissism they immediately might feel exposed, ashamed, betrayed, or attacked. Moreover, they often take things very personally and think that everything is about them. So they might feel that the author is talking about them personally or calling them out.
They lie as a form of gaslighting to extend their control over targets by making them constantly question and doubt themselves. They often frequently claim that they value and even love their targets. In doing so, they have little to no inhibitions.
In fact, compulsive lying is associated with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders – likely connected to the lack of empathy and propensity for exploitative behavior inherent in these disorders (Ford, King & Hollender, 1988; Baskin-Sommers, Krusemark, & Ronningstam, 2014).
Ridiculing you. Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. You may experience insults, put-downs, and even mocking behaviors, like laughing as you express hurt.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.