2) It will start affecting his ego and self-esteem. When you ignore a man who's emotionally unavailable, it will start bothering him to such a degree that he'll start feeling depressed and anxious. He will try to figure things out on his own and won't turn to friends or family for advice.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
Emotionally unavailable partners often choose physical intimacy over emotional intimacy so as to not have to deal with the messiness, seriousness, or complications that emotions can bring into a relationship.
An emotionally unavailable man will also love the fact that you don't seem emotionally invested in him—after all, you're spending time with friends and pursuing your own interests. You don't need to call or text him to tell him what you've been up to—just post pictures or updates on your social media for him to see.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
Emotional unavailability doesn't have to be permanent. It's a complex issue, though, and some underlying causes may be harder to overcome than others. Change only happens when someone is willing to work at creating it, so you can't make an emotionally unavailable partner more available.
An emotionally unavailable man can fall in love, but it would take longer than someone who has their emotions in check. The reason is not far-fetched because he wants to be sure that he's not committing his emotions into the hands of someone that would break his trust.
This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs. Since an emotionally unavailable person isn't comfortable exploring their own emotions, they might not be able to connect with other people's emotional needs, either.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
' If not managed with enough care and awareness, being with an emotionally unavailable partner can be damaging, and it leads not only to feelings of loneliness and isolation but can even erode your self-esteem. Therefore, as much as possible, we should learn how to notice when a partner is emotionally unavailable.
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is a daily struggle, but whether he breaks it off or you do, he can still miss being with you. When you are in the relationship, it seems he doesn't care enough to work on it – leaving you holding the emotional reins for both of you.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
You could have an anxious attachment style and be codependent in relationships—this is also “disconnected.” In this case, it's just that instead of avoiding the emotions and leaning into intimacy, you tend to feel controlled by your emotions and try to fuse with your partner.
Emotionally unavailable people expect closeness, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability to lead to getting hurt, so they often avoid getting emotional entirely. Your efforts to elicit emotions from them may lead them to pull away or redirect conversations back to you.
And in many cases, it's better for the emotionally available partner to leave, at least until this happens. A good sign it's time to end the relationship is “When the abuse comes,” Roberts said, adding, “and I don't mean physical abuse, but emotional abuse and mental abuse.”
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
An emotionally unavailable man in love cares about your feelings. He doesn't want to hurt you. He'll try really hard not to be a person who causes you pain. If he does cause you pain, if his issues manage to hurt you as they often do, he will be overcome with guilt and shame for being the person who caused you grief.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
An emotionally unavailable man who can't love must see his closed-off emotions as a problem and want to make a change. Men do it, and so do women, but not without extensive work. If you are dating or married to an emotionally unavailable man, your best hope is that he sees the problem and seeks help.
This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs. Since an emotionally unavailable person isn't comfortable exploring their own emotions, they might not be able to connect with other people's emotional needs, either.