Modern social scientists generally agree that midlife begins around 35 to 40 and ends around 55 to 60. Those in middle adulthood or middle age continue to develop relationships and adapt to changes in relationships.
Carl Jung (1875–1961), in his extensive writings, identified five stages associated with an innate, normal, and expected midlife transition: accommodation, separation, liminality, reintegration, and individuation.
A male midlife crisis often refers to a “phase in a middle-age person's life between the ages of 35 to 65 where they feel compelled to face or reevaluate their mortality, confidence, identity and accomplishments.” This term was first coined in 1965 by psychologist Elliott Jaques. Lachman ME.
Physical changes
Additionally, changes to a man's physical health can trigger a midlife crisis. As men age, they may experience declines in fertility, sexual desire or function, and physical strength, as well as a variety of other health concerns.
While some people certainly do engage in these behaviors when they are experiencing a midlife crisis, for most a midlife crisis is characterized by a variety of symptoms that affect the mood, such as isolation, anxiety, boredom, regret and nostalgia.
Yes, sometimes people who leave in the throes of a midlife crisis do come back. Sometimes, their partner no longer wants them. But rather than concentrate your energy on your husband's behavior and choices, I hope you will take a long look at your own life. Deal with your grief and the profound loss and change.
Some question their life choices and if it is too late to salvage their legacy. Some will become more vain and change their styles to keep up with the current trend. Some men stray away from their marriage and end up cheating on their spouses, also known as midlife crisis affairs.
Feeling like you're not doing anything well.
Mid-lifers will often say they feel they're they're failing on all fronts. Everything is “once over lightly”. Or they'll manage to do one thing well (like work) but be hyper-irritable and short on energy with partners and kids, which upsets them and causes guilt.
The regret of most individuals experiencing midlife crises has a lot to do with the disappointment that they did not live a good or full life. They feel they were untrue to themselves and lived a life based on the approval of others. Do not focus on what-ifs. This will only bring confusion and self-doubt.
But as we hit midlife, our BDNF levels have peaked and started to drop. And as Leuthardt points out, “reduced plasticity is associated with depression. So there's this perfect storm: Just when you've reached all your initial life goals and you're trying to figure out your next phase, your brain stops cooperating.”
Midlife crisis and depression have some common symptoms, including difficulty concentrating, insomnia, irritability, and reckless behavior. If the symptoms are persistent and show up every day, it's more likely to be depression.
Women initiate most of these divorces, often due to feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied with their current lives. Other common causes include empty nest syndrome, lack of shared interests and hobbies, career dissatisfaction, depression in men going through a midlife crisis divorce and infidelity.
In particular, when men go through a midlife crisis, infidelity may occur, and husbands can destroy their marriages. Despite the best efforts of spouses to work toward saving a marriage after infidelity, it may be impossible to return to the type of relationship you had before the cheating.
Roughly 1/3rd of these affairs tend to be short term. A moment of weakness which I use to help two people learn and repair their lives. Another third will be more intense but still, burn out roughly around 7 to 9 months of time. I find that 90% of midlife affairs will fail over two years time.
This discomfort can trigger a slew of marital and relational issues that may culminate in a divorce. Because partners experiencing a midlife crisis may withdraw, become more easily agitated, and seek major life changes, their current partner may be left behind feeling confused, hurt, and hopeless.
It's important to understand the difference between the symptoms that result from a major life transition and a mental health condition. Clinical depression is defined as a mental health disorder and mood-related condition, whereas a midlife crisis is not, says Jackson.
Everyone has regrets after a midlife crisis - the person who went through it does for sure (even if they'll never admit it out loud), but almost always their partner does too as they look back and see how they could have responded differently and better. Having regrets isn't the worst thing.
This crisis can affect self-concept and self-confidence, leading to changes in moods, behaviors, emotions, and relationships as people cope with the transition to midlife.
The Temptation to Withdrawal
In Midlife Crisis, this is the stage when a person begins to separate from family and friends—cutting off a true source of demonstrated love, reassurance, and appreciation. Instead, they become solitary and isolated, refusing (or not even recognizing) the help they most need.
For most adults, midlife, or middle age, is a period of personal growth, stability, insight, responsibility, maturity and acceptance. For a small percentage of people, it can be a time of confusion, apprehension, regret, and midlife crisis depression resulting in selfish, reckless, and hedonistic behavior.