There is not one root cause for someone's jealous behaviors or feelings, but there are a few reasons why someone might feel this way, including insecurity, past history, or fear of loss. Jealousy can be triggered by these and might create tensions within your relationships.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
Feeling jealous is a signal that someone else might be putting a relationship you have and rely on at risk — and you may need to do something about it to either save that relationship or find what you're getting out of that relationship somewhere else. “Jealousy is hard-wired in all of us,” Jalal says.
Jealousy is a “complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship” (White, 1981, p. 129). According to Pfeiffer and Wong (1989), jealousy construct consists of three dimensions: emotional, cognitive, and behavioral.
If you're the target of jealousy, you may feel like someone (usually a partner or friend) is trying to control your life. They might do things such as check up on you, try to tell you what to do (or not do) and how to act, or limit your contact with friends and coworkers.
Past trauma
If you've experienced emotional abuse or betrayal from past relationships, that can start to taint your view of future relationships if the trauma goes unchecked. This is where jealousy can rear its head and feed into those feelings, by making you feel anxious or afraid of losing the person you're with now.
Research shows that jealousy is often fueled by insecurity, not love for a partner.
Eventually, jealousy can lead to resentment and defensiveness. 1 It also destroys the trust in a relationship and leads to more arguments, especially if the jealous person makes demands and constantly questions the other person. Intense emotional experiences can also result in physical symptoms.
Romantic jealousy is considered to be a "usual" type of jealousy that includes a series of thoughts, feelings, and reactions caused by the actual or imagined threat to a relationship.
One toxic factor that can ruin any friendship, no matter how long you have been friends, is jealousy. Jealous friends are often driven by insecurity, fear, animosity, or anger. Also, they are triggered by low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
In the real world, making your ex jealous is a problematic behavior that shouldn't be idolized or mimicked. According to psychodynamic therapist Claire McRitchie, the behavior is actually a form of control and self-protection, whether or not the person exhibiting it knows this, and ultimately, it's not healthy.
To be jealous at times is to feel possessed, driven, sometimes as if you have lost all control. What is going on in your mind when you feel jealous? It's a kaleidoscope of intensity. First, there is a wave of intense emotion—sometimes a combination of overpowering anxiety, anger, and confusion.
Build meaningful relationships with others.
If you feel jealous or insecure in your relationship, tell your partner or friend directly. This will help you open up a dialogue about what you and the other person can do to make those jealous feelings go away.
Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.
Jealousy is often motivated by insecurity or fear. Showing compassion to your loved one for these difficult feelings is paramount. Talk openly about what triggers their jealousy and what changes may help them feel less upset. Negotiate boundaries that feel acceptable to both parties.
Negative, anxious thoughts in relationships cause worries about the relationship, what-ifs, worst-case scenarios, and dread. These manifest as jealousy, anger, distrust, and paranoia.
Summary: Jealousy increases activity in the cingulate cortex and lateral septum, areas of the brain associated with social pain and pair bonding, researchers report.
Extreme Jealously
When jealousy creeps into a romantic relationship, it can often fester into controlling tactics to assert dominance. “Do not ignore this red flag because it could also lead to an abusive and controlling situation,” says Kelman.
Past studies have shown that jealousy peaks in adolescence.