Avoidants avoid intimacy because of an intense fear of being used, engulfed, controlled, or manipulated if they share themselves with someone else. These fears come from childhood where caregivers used information to manipulate them into taking care of the caregiver.
At which point, the avoidant party undergoes a complete seachange. Their greatest fear, that of being engulfed in love, disappears at a stroke and reveals something that is normally utterly submerged in their character: a fear of being abandoned.
They often struggle with understanding what they are feeling on a deeper level and might be confused about what they really want or how to articulate it. Avoidant individuals might be afraid of being abandoned and so they abandon their relationships first.
The avoidant personality seems to desire affection and acceptance, but doesn't know how to fully experience or obtain it. Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder includes: Avoids activities that include contact with others because of fear of criticism, rejection, or feelings of inadequacy.
The anxiously attached person craves more connection and closeness and feels triggered by the avoidant person pulling away. Meanwhile the avoidant person feels triggered by the anxious person's desire for closeness because they themselves value their independence and freedom and fear being consumed.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Sense of self – Those with Dismissive/Avoidant attachment style tend to withdraw and retreat during stressful situations. You often resist seeking help, relying on, or emotionally investing in others, so you may have difficulty forming close bonds with other people, particularly in relationships.
Those with fearful-avoidant attachments want love from others. They may even crave that affection. But, at the same time, they are reluctant to have close or intimate relationships. This is a unique combination of anxiously craving affection and avoiding it at any cost.
Avoidant / dismissive adults still self regulate in unhealthy ways; they might feel threatened by triggering dating or relationship situations, such as a partner trying to get emotionally close, and they might shut down their emotions in an attempt to feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.
Avoidant partners tend to talk more about independence rather than closeness, freedom rather than intimacy, and self-reliance rather than interdependence. They fear clingy people or being seen as clingy themselves. Avoidant or unavailable partners tend to believe they can only depend on themselves.
They may seem emotionally distant and unstable, but their love can be genuine. In general, love avoidant people often become closer to love addicts. It is simply like the opposite attracts. While one person craves love, another is hesitant!
Those with fearful-avoidant attachment believe that they do not deserve or are unworthy of love. However, equally, they do not trust other people for fear that they will be rejected. Fearful-avoidant attachment is mostly the result of severe childhood trauma, emotional neglect or abuse.
People with avoidant attachment styles are more likely to feel alone in their experience of the world, according to new research published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. The study also provides evidence that feeling existentially isolated is a distinct phenomenon from loneliness.
People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style are often described as lacking the desire to form or maintain social bonds, and they don't seem to value close relationships. These people report, for example, that they are comfortable without close emotional relationships and prefer not to depend on others.
Although the attachment style may cause them to appear distant, there are still signs that an avoidant loves someone. These signs include demonstrating reliability, taking care of the other person's needs, expressing gratitude, and showing physical affection when possible.
If someone you love has learned an avoidant attachment style, it is so important to recognize that the reason why they shut down and push away is that this is how they learned to feel safe in relationships. They do this because you are important, not because they don't want to be close to you.
So avoidants in fact feel a desire to leave because they may not be ready to confront and take responsibility for their own behaviour, although they will not normally recognise this is why they are pulling away - they will find another reason.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Those with Avoidant attachment are likely to need a lot of emotional space and independence, and might be uncomfortable with strong displays of emotion or conflict (think of these like cats - a bit standoffish and aloof).
Avoidant Attachment Styles in Relationships
They may feel overwhelmed by the partner's emotions and needs and may withdraw, especially when stressed. They may also feel like they're being smothered or suffocated by their partner's need for closeness, which can lead to them feeling resentful towards their spouse.
Intriguingly, avoidant attachers may only repress their upset and distress in the direct aftermath of a breakup. In contrast to anxious attachers, who typically brood and focus on why a relationship ended when it initially happens, avoidant attachers may only do so after considerable time has passed.