noun. : a compliment that implies it is not really a compliment at all. She paid me a backhanded compliment when she said my work was "surprisingly good."
“You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can't Even See Your Acne!” Why it's backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They're basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed.
Backhanded compliments are not pure praise, they usually stem from a person's insecurity. If you feel comfortable responding, then consider using “I statements” or acknowledge the positive portion of the compliment.
Though flatterers are deemed insecure and unlikeable, their backhanded compliments can still inflict a potent dose of psychic harm.
Narcissists are always looking for ways to make themselves feel superior to others, and one way they do this is through backhanded compliments. They will use language carefully so that what they are saying sounds positive at first but is then turned into an insult.
We resort to fake compliments for two reasons: Just to be nice, or when we want something in return. And it gets a little complicated when we start expecting it. It could be that promotion you've been working so hard for or even approval from a clique that you've been pining to get into, but don't really belong in.
Men often see compliments as "face-threatening acts," or acts intended to embarrass or patronize, the study authors found. What was meant as a nicety could be seen as a way to assert control. When it comes to compliments from their own sex, men often regard appearance-based praise as a come-on.
Compliments and Self-Esteem
More often than not, our receptivity to compliments is a reflection of our self-esteem and deep feelings of self-worth. Specifically, compliments can make people with low self-esteem feel uncomfortable because they contradict their own self-views.
Backhanded compliments can damage relationships. So sometimes, it's best to address the issue in a direct manner. Otherwise, the snarky comments might continue and the relationship could deteriorate. When you don't want a hurtful comment to get in the way of your relationship, speak up.
Meaning of backhanded compliment in English
a remark that seems to say something pleasant about a person but could also be an insult: I say this unironically, and not as a backhanded compliment. She was insulted by his back-handed compliment.
extended senses; not direct in manner or language or behavior or action.
Backhanded compliments oftentimes are the intersection of passive aggression and jealousy. Sometimes known as “non-compliments” or “disguised insults” these statements are actually subtle insults intended to ultimately put down the person being addressed, without seeming directly mean spirited.
pseudo-compliment (plural pseudo-compliments) A statement that sounds like a compliment, but really is not.
“You look great!” is a flattering compliment to receive but tacking on “…for your age” to the tail-end may backfire. This can be taken as a form of ageism, or “the stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination against people on the basis of their age” according to the World Health Organization (WHO).
Praise we've earned can be motivating and help us build confidence. Narcissists may use praise to control others by manipulating their sense of self-worth and relational security. Narcissists may use praise as love, as intimacy, or as unearned entitlement, and they may pair praise with abuse to disempower others.
“Part of gaslighting is throwing in positive reinforcement or compliments and praise, and then cutting the person down when they start feeling good,” says Dr Sarkis. “That's the way the gaslighter gets control.”
2) False Flattery
Narcissists are so hungry for praise that they assume others are as well. They may tell you that you are special, that only you understand them, or that only you know how to take care of them. In truth, narcissistic flattery is not based on who you really are.
Flattery is a type of manipulation. Under-confident people often use it to feel more powerful and to win approval. Passive-aggressive people use it to get their own way. It's widely used by people who want to get into the good books of others, or to help them achieve their own goals.
Praise isn't always bad, but it can become manipulative when it has an ulterior motive to influence student behavior versus expressing genuine heartfelt feelings. Manipulative praise can hinder a learner's ability to reach their fullest potential.
Things turned abusive, as he would make fun of her looks and take her phone as punishment. She was entrapped by this point and would believe him and blame herself for their problems. He would hit her, then buy her gifts, promise to change, and threaten suicide. He used flattery like many manipulators do — to control.