“You never do anything right.” / “You're a loser.” Being called a screw-up or an idiot is demeaning. These things are said to make people feel shame, or to put them in their place. Though many people think shame is a good way to punish kids, I don't think it gives children the tools they need to learn new skills.
Ellen Perkins wrote: "Without doubt, the number one most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child is 'I don't love you' or 'you were a mistake'.
Hurting words slash at a child's self-confidence: "You're stupid." "What a slob!" "You're disgusting." "You're worthless." Helping words show you care and make a child feel worthwhile and secure: "You can do it." "Great job." "You're beautiful." "I'm proud of you."
And that frequent misuse has not escaped linguists; according to the editors at Dictionary.com, “We submit that ironic might be the most abused word in the English language.” That's a tough claim to prove, but it's clear that confusion over the definition of irony is persistent, and decades old.
Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
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Hurting a child's body is called physical abuse.
It can happen from hitting hard with a hand or an object like a belt, especially when the hits leave bruises or cuts. Shaking, pushing, choking, painful grabbing, and kicking also can be physical abuse. Hurting kids is never OK.
Words are powerful weapons and can do a lot of damage. “ You're *#@! % stupid. ” “ I wish you were never born. ” “ No one is ever going to love you, you're so *#@! % fat and ugly. ” “ You never get anything right. ” “ You're worthless. ” These are mean and degrading things to say to someone.
Why do these phrases hurt kids? Children look to their parents for love, support, and approval. The thing kids fear most, apart from abandonment, is disappointing their parents. So these phrases, often spoken in fits of anger or frustration, hit kids where they are most vulnerable.
Parents who commit physical abuse are unable to control their anger and turn to violence, including hitting, kicking, or choking. Children may develop broken bones or bruises. Abusive parents often tell their children that they would lie if their injuries were ever questioned.
Toxic parents may invade your privacy or not allow you to make your own decisions. Or maybe they're overly critical and controlling of your decisions, even as an adult. Manipulative behaviors. Your parent may try to control you by using guilt or shame to play with your emotions.
They become quite independent as they reach 5-6 years of age, even wanting to help you with some of the chores! This is probably why most parents look at age 6 as the magical age when parenting gets easier.
It's no wonder then that research finds that the hardest years of parenting are the tween, (or middle school if you're in the USA) years. They may be less physically exhausting than the early years, but emotionally they are so much more exhausting.
Although parents did see how being younger than 30 might be the optimal biological age for having children, they saw beyond age 35 as superior socially. For instance, the study reported some “older parents” found that interacting with other “younger” parents made them more culturally in the loop.
Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include: Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.
Traumatic experiences can initiate strong emotions and physical reactions that can persist long after the event. Children may feel terror, helplessness, or fear, as well as physiological reactions such as heart pounding, vomiting, or loss of bowel or bladder control.
Mommy issues refer to problems forming or maintaining healthy adult relationships, due to a person's insecure or unhealthy relationship with their mother or another female figure in their childhood.
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Their message is therefore likely to become louder and more persistent. By asking or telling them to “stop,” you're also telling your child that their emotions are invalid and unimportant.
A toxic mother creates a negative home environment where unhealthy interactions and relationships damage a child's sense of self and their views of relationships with others. Over time, it increases the risk of poor development in the child's self-control, emotional regulation, social relations, etc1.