The 12 "shame categories" she researched that are the most familiar in the human experience include: appearance and body image, money and work, motherhood and fatherhood, family, parenting, mental and physical health, addiction, sex, aging, religion, surviving trauma, and being stereotyped and labeled.
There are 2 main categories of shame, relational shame and biological shame. Both types inhibit pain and physical sensation and enhance feelings of separateness. Embarrassment – a type of relational shame that arises with a fear of judgment or rejection. Belonging to the tribe used to be an important survival instinct.
Developing Shame Resilience
Brené Brown outlined four key elements: Recognizing, naming, and understanding our shame triggers. Identifying external factors that led to the feelings of shame. Connecting with others to receive and offer empathy.
"If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive," says Dr. Brene Brown.
Shame causes people to hide from the sanctions of cultural norms, which leads to perceptions of brokenness or being bad (Arnsten, 2015). Empathy has the opposite effect. It creates a space where people can process their circumstances without shame's debilitating effects.
Two key areas of the brain are activated by shame: the prefrontal cortex and the posterior insula. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain associated with moral reasoning. This is where judgements about the self occur. The posterior insula is the part of the brain that engages visceral sensations in the body.
You will find out much more about yourself by observing and gathering information instead of criticizing. Forgive yourself for your past so that you can move on. It's crucial to take a stand against shame by not shaming others or yourself. Try to make shaming a behavior that is simply unacceptable.
Shame-based behaviors seek to quell overwhelming and complex feelings of humiliation and grief through escapism. Avoidance, self-harm, addiction, and compulsions are all shame-based behaviors that seek to mask the painful feeling.
Be aware of the physical signs of shame
Slumped shoulders, lowering our head, looking down, avoiding eye contact, hesitant speech patterns – these are clues that we feel unworthy and want to avoid letting anyone else see into us.
At its heart, core shame is the visceral experience of being disconnected, shunned, and expelled from social connectedness, stimulating the same brain regions activated during pain. While it may be difficult for adults to remember, toddlers expect their parents to be just as excited as they are about their adventures.
Toxic shame is a debilitating feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing, according to Taylor Draughn, licensed professional counselor in Louisiana. “People who feel toxic shame often feel like they're not good enough and are ashamed of themselves.
Hence, shame has recently come to be identified in the trauma literature as part of a constellation of negative emotions (along with fear, horror, anger, guilt) that are common for trauma survivors in post-trauma states.
In some cases, shame from childhood leads to narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic behavior is often a coping mechanism for intense shame or low self-esteem. You may compensate for your internal sense of shame by displaying an inflated ego or by fantasizing about success, power, and perfection.
Shame is one of the more painful emotions because it arises when those most foundational of human needs, the need to feel safe and the need to belong, remain unmet. Because it is so painful, we are compelled to find ways to avoid it if possible, to manage it when we must, and, if necessary, to neutralise it.
People who live with shame often feel worthless, depressed, and anxious. Shame can be a contributing factor to depression, anxiety, and co-dependency. [iii] People who are constantly ashamed may have emotional difficulties and may fight a mental battle each and every day.
One of the most know organs internally affected by guilt can be the brain. The brain is known as the powerhouse of processing our thoughts, feelings, and or emotions.
Narcissistic shame is an intense pain related to social failure, failure to be a true human being. It is a sense of being an inferior human being, exposed to social judgment in the midst of severe disintegration of the self. When experienced fully, the affect is very painful.
According to Braithwaite there are two forms of shaming: The crucial distinction is between shaming that is reintegrative and shaming that is disintegrative (stigmatization).
When faced with shame, the brain reacts as if it were facing physical danger, and activates the sympathetic nervous system generating the flight/fight/freeze response. The flight response triggers the feeling of needing to disappear, and children who have this response will try to become invisible.
The narcissistic patient lives without the ability to experience shame in well-modulated, stable states of mind. These habits of mind have never been learned.
Body language red flags are verbal or nonverbal signals that show an incongruence where we should dig deeper. They don't always mean that someone is guilty or showing a negative emotion; however, they may be good indicators in some cases.