Lydia Denworth: There are three things: The first is that the relationship is long-lasting. Somebody is a stable and reliable presence in your life. Two, it needs to be a positive relationship, so it makes you feel good. The third is that it's cooperative and there is some form of reciprocity and give-and-take.
So, how can one recognize a true friendship? In my opinion, there are three crucial pillars of true friendship: acceptance, trust, and support. This is applicable to any setting: casual and professional.
Respect your friends — and their boundaries.
Don't crowd your friends — give them the space they need to feel comfortable, and let the relationship deepen over time. The beautiful thing about strong friendships is that they provide the freedom to communicate openly and honestly.
Friends respect the person and not the position or the title. Friends keep their words – do what you said you will do. Friends do not talk bad about friends – defend your friends in their absence. Friends should always be honest.
And I'm not just talking about sunlight and air, healthy friendships need a blend of trust, compassion, empathy, and respect among other things to really take root and flourish.
The four factors that are most effective in initial verbal contacts are confidence, creativity, caring and consideration — otherwise known as the Four Cs.
Empathy, Loyalty, Trust, Honesty and Respect: 5 virtues we should all strive to embody. While these qualities are arguably the most important to cultivate within yourself to be a good friend, there are many more aspects to maintaining healthy and uplifting friendships!
Though every bond evolves in its own way, I have come to believe that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.
“Toxic friendships happen when one person is being emotionally harmed or used by another, making the relationship more of a burden than support,” says Suzanne Degges-White, author of Toxic Friendships. A bad friendship can increase your blood pressure, lower your immunity, and affect your mental health.
True friends are usually those who offer you support, improve your quality of life, promote self-confidence, provide honesty and unconditional love, and help you progress mentally. It often takes time and effort to foster deep, healthy friendships.
The Pareto principle (also known as the 80/20 rule) advocates the same. It states that for many outcomes, roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes. So, 80% of your deep friendship relations will come from 20% of your friends. 80% of your productivity will come from 20% of your tasks.
Good friends are not judgmental, and they keep private information confidential. Maintain respect and respectful boundaries. If you are friends with someone for long enough, there are sure to be issues that arise. Perhaps you will do or say something that will upset your friend.
Accept your friend as he/she is, support each other in hard times, and don't talk about him/her behind his/her back. If each person feels safe, appreciated, and confident in the relationship, your friendship will have more chances of lasting!
They're never around in difficult times
So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn't truly care about you.
At their core, the Unwritten Rules are about kindness and civility. They emphasize talking and listening to one another, respecting and caring about one another, and reaching out to help one another. True friendship grows from a sense of connection.
The six keys, according to Beck, are accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.
Good friendships are based on mutual respect, honesty, and support (helping each other with problems, and celebrating each other's success). Friends should help you grow into an even better person, and love and care for you.
'False friendships' describe relationships where someone pretends to be your friend, or is your 'friend' sometimes, but actually uses their power to bully you. Sometimes bullying isn't as straight forward as someone openly being horrible to another person.
Dunbar says it takes so long to create a true friendship because you're looking for seven pillars of friendship—similarities in the following dimensions: the way you speak (dialect), hobbies and interests, religious views, moral views, sense of humor, musical taste and career trajectory.