For instance, they may find it difficult to commit to moving in or getting married. Instead of committing and deepening a relationship and connection with one person, emotionally unavailable people are more likely to have multiple superficial relationships and cut things off with people when they become too serious.
Emotional Unavailable People are Not Always Toxic. An emotionally unavailable is someone who finds it difficult to share feelings and to get genuinely close to another. It doesn't mean they don't have feelings — they do — but they can't access or express them, often both.
Lack of emotional support in a relationship can leave you feeling lonely, rejected, dismissed, and at times invisible. Dealing with emotionally unavailable romantic partnerships can feel like a never ending battle to win your partner's affection which can leave you feeling emotionally bankrupted.
Anxiety is about fear, and fear is one of the root causes of an emotionally unavailability: fear of intimacy, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, irrational fear of death and/or fear of being exposed as less than who they portray themselves to be.
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt. Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you're doing the same thing again. This is why it's also important to understand what happened or what triggered him to be like this.
This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs. Since an emotionally unavailable person isn't comfortable exploring their own emotions, they might not be able to connect with other people's emotional needs, either.
Trauma can oftentimes be traced to someone's childhood or previous relationships where they learned suppressing their emotions could help them survive a situation, Gatling explains. If a person's emotional unavailability is a trauma response, it can usually be worked through and healed over time.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
"In other words, people who attract emotionally unavailable people tend to have grown up in homes where one or both parents were also emotionally unavailable. In IMAGO therapy (a form of relationship counseling), we refer to this as the 'Triple P Effect.
You're attracted to uninvolved people because some part of you may also be unavailable. That's not something that makes you a bad person or partner. Rather, these are your deeply ingrained fears of intimacy, commitment, engulfment, rejection, or getting hurt.
It's the ultimate “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves.
They Don't Like to Open Up to You
One of the most common characteristics of an emotionally-unavailable person is the reluctance to reveal their feelings to you. Discussing how you're feeling is a normal part of a healthy relationship, but a detached partner will not be comfortable doing this.
“Emotional unavailability” describes a person who's evasive, avoids meeting up, or simply doesn't like to talk about their feelings or relationships. That person might also have difficulties with the following: trusting people. bursts of anger.
It is important to remember that emotional detachment is not a mental health condition, but it might be a symptom of some mental disorders. If you think you might be experiencing symptoms of emotional detachment, you should talk to a doctor or mental health professional.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Be Patient. Give your partner time and space if he or she needs it to process their emotions or the events that took place; don't let your anxiety and desire for certainty drive you to push your partner, husband, or wife to open up or share. Respect that each person has a way they processes, and so do you.
Emotionally unavailable men are seeking for perfection for one reason only: they're deeply insecure. Since they're insecure and don't want to show any sign of a vulnerable exposure, they will comfort themselves with the thought that 'no one is good enough' and they don't need to open up to anyone.
The “aloofness factor”—looking desirable, in control, and yet, not being fully present—that unavailable men carry leaves the observer (typically a woman) feeling she has discovered an exotic jewel of wonder, and it leaves her wanting to come closer and to know more about him. 2. They provide intermittent reinforcement.
They go from hot to cold
People who are emotionally unavailable tend to confuse their partners with their inconsistent behavior. They vacillate between being very hot and into the relationship one second, only to go totally cold the next. This can feel uncomfortable and scary.
Emotionally available people are up for being vulnerable. They're not afraid of any emotions, even those that are negative and painful. They are easy with emotional discomfort. They realise it's just part of being human and can be helpful for their personal growth.
They have difficulty connecting with others
Like a lack of empathy, an emotionally unavailable person may find it hard to get deeper with those around them. Ultimately, this can make it harder to form a worthwhile connection, according to Torres-Mackie.
The only way you can process your feelings is by 1) being real and staying real about who he is and 2) getting real with yourself. Your feelings for him are tied up in your lack of feelings for yourself. You would not invest so much time and emotion in an emotionally unavailable man if your self-esteem were better.