Keeping a secret has been associated with a lower life satisfaction, lower quality relationships, and symptoms of poor psychological and physical health. One might think this is due to the stress and anxiety of having to conceal something from others, but Slepian says the real reasons are more complex.
CONSEQUENCES OF FAMILY SECRETS
Keeping family secrets creates a toxic environment that poisons the whole family. It can be extremely harmful, leading to anxiety, shame, trust issues, resentment, stress, and sometimes to the use of addictive substances as a coping mechanism.
Keeping secrets causes emotional distress depending on its nature and sensitivity. It can trigger depression, anxiety, and poor overall personal health. To maintain secrecy, it must be on constant guard not to wittingly or unwittingly reveal itself, which causes stress.
The emotional, mental, physical and spiritual impact of secrets are well documented. In fact, research suggests keeping secrets can significantly boost stress hormones, impact blood pressure, inhibit sleep, contribute to mental health and substance use disorders and even increase chronic pain.
But such individuals suffer narcissistic personality disorder or sociopathy. In general we keep secrets because we are trying to protect those we love, we are afraid of being judged, or because we feel scared and ashamed.
Keeping certain things to ourselves can be a normal and healthy aspect of privacy. But more serious secrets — those that are motivated by shame, or that could potentially impact a family member's wellbeing — can haunt families for years and disrupt healthy familial bonds.
Usually, we hold secrets to protect something, such as our reputation or someone we care about. But this doesn't always protect what we hope to protect. Additionally, secrets can lead to loneliness and shame, which are particularly toxic to our health and wellbeing. MICHAEL SLEPIAN: Secrets are all around us.
Examples include parents who hide birthday presents from a child, and a father telling his teenage daughter that he plans to file for divorce, without telling his spouse. The internal secret, known by some and not others, creates sub-groupings, drawing lines between those who know and those left unaware.
Secrecy is associated with lower well-being, worse health, and less satisfying relationships. Research has linked secrecy to increased anxiety, depression, symptoms of poor health, and even the more rapid progression of disease. There is a seemingly obvious explanation for these harms: Hiding secrets is hard work.
Titia Ellis, PhD. Never underestimate the power of secrets in a family. One of the most common reasons people justify keeping secrets is the need to “protect” someone. Secrets also originate from fear that actions within the family will be discovered and judged.
Clutter can affect our anxiety levels, sleep, and ability to focus. It can also make us less productive, triggering coping and avoidance strategies that make us more likely to snack on junk and watch TV shows (including ones about other people decluttering their lives).
Spending time with a toxic family member can take a toll on your mood, self-esteem, and sense of confidence, as well as your ability to make decisions or think clearly. “You may feel like you can't voice your opinions or concerns because you don't feel seen or heard [by this person],” says Stoycheva.
Functions of secrets involve bonding, evaluation, maintenance, privacy, defense or communication problems.
Whatever is going on, to keep it a secret from mom or dad isn't helpful. In fact, keeping secrets from parents is associated with poorer well-being and increased behavioral issues. One study found that keeping teenage secrets leads to psychosomatic symptoms like increased asthma and sleeping issues.
Family secrets involve information purposefully hidden or concealed by one or more family members. The four types of secrets are sweet, essential, toxic and dangerous. Galvin, Braithwaite, & Bylund (2015) describe sweet secrets as those that protect fun surprises and they are time limited.
The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated. Various expressions of this rule can be found in the tenets of most religions and creeds through the ages. It can be considered an ethic of reciprocity in some religions, although different religions treat it differently.
I sometimes don't reveal my real feelings. When my parents ask me, “Do you feel stressed or face any difficulties in your studies?”, I always tell them not to worry about me and that I am all right. My parents work very hard, so I keep this secret from them.
If you don't like sharing information or letting other people know how you feel, you're secretive. Secretive people probably make the best spies. When a person is secretive, they seem mysterious because they don't reveal much about themselves.
Secrets are also intentional withholding of personal information. The difference is that withholding information from a particular person or in a specific situation can be considered a lie. In contrast, if a person holds information from all or most people, it can be generalized privacy accompanied by guilt and shame.
In comparison, women will keep it to themselves for at least three and a half hours before passing it on. The study of 2,000 Britons s found that the average man will keep a secret to themselves for around two hours and 47 minutes - almost 40 minutes less than women.
A family secret is a secret kept within a family. Most families have secrets, but the kind and importance vary. Family secrets can be shared by the whole family, by some family members or kept by an individual member of the family. The secret can relate to taboo topics, rule violations or just conventional secrets.
WHEN should you not keep a secret? ANSWER: Any time that someone is or could be in danger of being hurt, or when someone is potentially a danger to hurt someone else.
These common characteristics all contribute to family happiness and strength. Commitment: They make their relationships a high priority. This is particularly important in co-parenting families. Reassure your children it is OK to love all of their parents and siblings; don't make them feel guilty.