One of the most common signs of an emotionally unavailable partner is their desire to only see you when it is convenient for them. They may want you to spend time together when it is convenient for them but make excuses whenever you attempt to make plans.
An emotionally unavailable person is also not receptive or supportive when you express your feelings. If your partner becomes uncomfortable, put off, frustrated, or withdrawn when you choose to open up and be vulnerable, this is an indicator that they're not good at handling emotions—both their own as well as yours.
He likes taking you to events
One of the clear signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you is when he begins to invite you to various events. You will meet his friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and the likes at these events. He will introduce you to them because you're not an ordinary person in his life.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Traumatic events: There could also be situational causes such as a break-up, divorce, or traumatic experience that can cause people to shut down emotionally in order to maintain everyday functioning, because if they were to feel the extent of their emotions it might be challenging for them to go on living their lives.
While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
Physical touch is a huge indicator of love and attraction!
He might not be touchy-feely; emotionally unavailable men aren't big fans of PDA, and that probably won't change right away when he falls in love. Still, he'll initiate physical closeness to show you that he has feelings for you.
They struggle with being affectionate – someone who is emotionally unavailable is going to find it difficult to be affectionate – or to accept affection from you. If your partner stiffens up or becomes awkward when you get physically close, it's likely they're not living fully in their emotions.
One of the possible reasons why a man can turn emotionally unavailable is because of past hurts. When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt. Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you're doing the same thing again.
You may feel lonely, emotionally deprived in the relationship, to the point of having thoughts of ending it. That is understandable. However, just because someone is currently emotionally unavailable does not mean you need to end the relationship.
The only way you can process your feelings is by 1) being real and staying real about who he is and 2) getting real with yourself. Your feelings for him are tied up in your lack of feelings for yourself. You would not invest so much time and emotion in an emotionally unavailable man if your self-esteem were better.
Emotionally unavailable individuals are also quick to find excuses to explain why they are late to visit you, do not show up on dates, or have not spoken to you in a while. They may say that they are busy. But if they are constantly “busy” doing things and hanging out with people besides you, this could be a red flag.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
No Contact is a technique that many people use when they are trying to get over someone who is emotionally unavailable. It is a way of cutting off all contact with this person so that you don't have to deal with the pain and hurt that comes from being around him. It works for some people, but not for others.
While the chemistry is sizzling, you haven't been able to connect with him emotionally. He doesn't speak to you about himself, his dreams, his background, or his past. The guy is a closed book as far as you are concerned. If these things define your relationship, it is a sign he is not serious about you.
Emotionally unavailable people and why we choose them
Another potential reason for choosing emotionally unavailable partners is because we're afraid of getting hurt. If we choose a partner that always remains at arm's length emotionally, we think we can protect ourselves from the pain of abandonment or betrayal.
If you find yourself cling to someone who really isn't deserving of you, chances are that you are being needy and the man you are seeing is emotionally unavailable. The reason for this is because often times women will specifically go after men that are emotionally unavailable, if not consciously, then unconsciously.
Women who fall for unavailable men have some profound insecurities and self-esteem issues, and they invest so much in pursuing unavailable men with the following unconscious motive: If the unavailable man finally comes around and commits, they'll—at long last—have proof that they are worthy.
There are different types of emotional unavailability and different factors that can contribute to them. We have a tendency to go right to the worst-case scenario when we find ourselves in a relationship with someone who tilts more on the emotionally unavailable side of the spectrum.
To a narcissist or psychopath, your pain makes them feel significant and they will deliberately blow hot and cold to devalue you or make you jealous to keep you under their control. An emotionally unavailable person is usually just trying to avoid pain altogether.
Stonewalling is when a person in a relationship withdraws from an interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issue, people who stonewall resort to evasive maneuvers.