A sincere apology should acknowledge the mistakes and try to show that you have learned from them. It can be as simple as saying, “I regret my decision” or “I apologize for my mistake”. It should not sound like an excuse or justify what you did wrong in any way.
In five chapters, I discuss what I call the five Rs of apology: recognition, responsibility, remorse, restitution, and repetition.
Psychologists have studied the issue and they have identified six characteristics of a good apology. They are an expression of regret, an explanation of what happened, an acknowledgment of responsibility, a declaration of repentance, an offer of repair, and a request for forgiveness.
An insincere apology occurs when it doesn't involve remorse or regret. Sometimes an apology may make you feel worse rather than offering an opportunity for reconciliation. A false apology can lead to resentment and anger, which may make you feel misunderstood, invalidated, or manipulated.
A sincere and effective apology is one that communicates genuine empathy, remorse, and regret as well as a promise to learn from your mistakes. In other words, you need to really believe you did something wrong and feel sorry for the hurt you caused.
He remembered the three R's – regret, react, reassure.
Four A's: Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Apologize.
A humble apology is one in which you admit wrongdoing—“I'm sorry I lost my temper”—showing that you're not above reflecting on your own flaws.
A quick recap on how to apologize: (1) Acknowledge the action, (2) acknowledge the impact, and (3) acknowledge the intention. Ideally, an apology has all three of these components, no less than the first two at least. Acknowledge the action, the impact, and then the intention.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Narcissists may use a blame-shifting apology, where they apologize but then shift the blame onto the other person. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me so angry.” This type of apology does not take responsibility for their actions and places the blame on the other person.
Give the person some time and space to process the apology and their feelings. They may feel differently once they have some time. Whatever it was that prompted you to apologize was hurtful or disappointing enough. Don't make it worse by crowding their space and disrespecting their wishes.
To make an apology meaningful, do not distance yourself from the apology and do not let there be any doubt that you are owning up to your mistake (for example, say 'It was my fault' rather than 'If mistakes have been made...'). Use clear, plain and direct language. Be natural and sincere in your apology.
For example, you could say: "I'm sorry that I snapped at you yesterday. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by the way I acted." Your words need to be sincere and authentic . Be honest with yourself, and with the other person, about why you want to apologize.
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
For example, instead of accepting responsibility and saying, “I'm sorry I offended you”, people blame-shift by saying something like: “I'm sorry it offended you.” (“My action offended you, not me.”) “I'm sorry you got offended.” (“You shouldn't have been offended.”)
But a bad apology rationalizes our error, even for the leader mistake. A good apology has four elements: Focuses on the other person(s) and how they have been affected by your mistake. It doesn't assume you know how they feel or what they need, rather, it asks.
An apology is usually portrayed as an admission of guilt, which the courts may see as justification for ruling in the plaintiff's favour.
"But if you type 'I'm sorry' and hit Send, nothing happens." In other words, while texting an apology isn't exactly a "toxic gesture," she said, it does strip you of your ability to train and strengthen your empathy muscles.