Toxic people, in general, do not own up to their actions and the influence they have on others. “Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships.”
She has similar opinions about your career goals, friends and pretty much everything else. If you've articulated that you're happy with your life and the people in it and she still won't stay out of your business, then your relationship with your sister could be verging on (if not already) toxic.
A toxic sibling relationship is a relationship that is unbalanced in its power dynamic and may involve sibling abuse and dysfunctional sibling rivalry. Sibling estrangement can be caused by parental favoritism, having immature parents, parental or sibling abuse, and psychopathy.
Takeaway: It's not forever, but distance is healthy
But when you set boundaries and prioritize your own health, you'll be able to live a better life — with or without your sibling. “Walking away from a toxic relationship does not mean that you are completely shutting a door,” Fuller says.
There is no right way to deal with a toxic family member. Only you can decide how much contact is right for you. And you will know if and when you need to walk away in order to save yourself. Just know that its okay to end a toxic relationship even with a family member.
Physical abuse by a sibling occurs when one sibling intentionally causes physical harm and pain to a sister or brother. This can include: shoving, hitting, slapping, kicking, biting, pinching, scratching, and hair pulling.
The Physical Effects of Sibling Abuse
Some of the effects that survivors report later in life are physical in nature — GI issues, headaches, or chronic pain. In addition to physical effects, many people who experience abuse will report feeling unlovable, invisible, too much, and also not enough.
Not only can it cause PTSD (or CPTSD), but it can lead to a range of other mental health symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, lowered self-esteem, and difficulty in future relationships. You don't have to go through this alone.
Sibling alienation occurs when one adult sibling wants to push aside another. While sibling alienation can occur at any point, one sibling may be especially tempted to alienate another in order to gain control of care-taking or inheritance outcomes with aging parents.
The abuser has the intention of making the victim feel lesser than, creating a sense of low self-esteem or social withdrawal. Examples of sibling emotional abuse include name-calling, belittling, teasing, insulting, threatening, destroying property, relational aggression, intimidation and asserting power or control.
Be honest about how the toxic trait impacts you
As we mentioned, many people don't realize they have toxic traits. So, telling someone that their actions have hurt your emotional well-being may help them understand they need to change.
Examples of a gaslighting family member include: Statements like, “I never said that”, used to destabilize you and question previous events. They use your personal weaknesses to prey on you, and lead you to believe that others see you in a negative light by saying things like, “everyone thinks you're…”.
In 1989, Deborah Gold developed five typologies of adult sibling relations based on “… patterns of psychological involvement, closeness, acceptance/ approval, emotional support, instrumen- tal support, contact, envy and resent- ment” (Cicirelli, 1995, 49).
Trauma can have devastating effects on a child's physiology, emotions, ability to think, learn, and concentrate, impulse control, self-image, and relationships with others; including their relationships with their siblings.
Brothers and sisters separated from each other in foster care experience trauma, anger, and an extreme sense of loss. Research suggests that separating siblings may make it difficult for them to begin a healing process, make attachments, and develop a healthy self-image (McNamara, 1990).
Younger siblings may be especially vulnerable to trauma because they are in an earlier developmental stage than the rest of the family. While older siblings and parents will be much more equipped to cope with the stress, the youngest child may feel left behind or not understand how to handle their emotions.
Trauma Bonding. A trauma bond can develop when a sibling repeatedly experiences a confusing mix of abuse and positive reinforcement. A brother or sister may find it difficult to break away from such a relationship. In a trauma bond, abuse often is mixed with kindness and affection.
Emotional abuse between siblings is common, but is difficult to research. However, its effect should not be underestimated. Emotional abuse includes name calling, belittling, teasing, shaming, threats, intimidation, false accusations, provocation, and destroying a sibling's belongings.
Here are some common signs of toxic behavior from a family member: Their perception of you doesn't jibe with the way you see yourself. They accuse you of things that you feel aren't true. They make you feel like you're never enough or bad about yourself, or otherwise emotionally destabilized.
Make no mistake: cutting off a sibling isn't what anyone would want or hope for, but as the people I spoke to agreed, sometimes it's the wise and necessary choice: it's not healthy to hold on to someone who persistently hurts you. "Occasionally sibling relationships just don't work out," Collins told Insider.