An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
There are no guarantees that an emotionally unavailable man will commit to a longer and stronger relationship with you no matter how hard you try. Bear this in mind so that you would know the best time to cut your losses and move on with your life.
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is a daily struggle, but whether he breaks it off or you do, he can still miss being with you. When you are in the relationship, it seems he doesn't care enough to work on it – leaving you holding the emotional reins for both of you.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
When someone who is emotionally unavailable gives you attention, you instantly feel an attraction because somewhere deep down you resonate with them. It gets easier for you to express yourself and before you know it, you are in a trap.
They avoid commitment
Fear of commitment and fear of getting too close are two common signs of emotional unavailability in men and women. Emotionally unavailable partners might prefer having casual relationships with multiple people or may end relationships if things are getting “too serious.”
Have a conversation with your partner and make sure they understand that their emotional unavailability is a problem for you. Confirm that they are willing to do something about it. Make sure that they understand that they need to take responsibility for making a concerted effort to reach out to you.
Traumatic childhood experiences or traumas from a past relationship can often prevent people from being emotionally available. Additionally, certain mental health issues can also prevent people from being able to express and process their emotions.
Ignoring an emotionally unavailable man is the only way to go as long as you are going into no contact for your own emotional well-being and not as a vengeful tactician. The is no revenge that is more debilitating to an emotionally unavailable ex than your indifferent success.
An emotionally unavailable man will also love the fact that you don't seem emotionally invested in him—after all, you're spending time with friends and pursuing your own interests. You don't need to call or text him to tell him what you've been up to—just post pictures or updates on your social media for him to see.
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
The “aloofness factor”—looking desirable, in control, and yet, not being fully present—that unavailable men carry leaves the observer (typically a woman) feeling she has discovered an exotic jewel of wonder, and it leaves her wanting to come closer and to know more about him. 2. They provide intermittent reinforcement.
One clear sign a man is emotionally connected to you is when he truly cares for you. When you reciprocate his feelings, there is a better chance of him getting emotionally attached. He also tries to show his romantic side in his way. He might do it by talking to you for hours or taking long walks with you.
Emotionally unavailable people expect closeness, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability to lead to getting hurt, so they often avoid getting emotional entirely. Your efforts to elicit emotions from them may lead them to pull away or redirect conversations back to you.