Narcissistic collapse happens when someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can no longer uphold their grandiose, confident image. When this occurs, they feel profoundly threatened. As a result, they tend to become enraged, resulting in impulsive behavior, intense lashing out, or hurting other people.
For the person on the receiving end, someone experiencing a narcissistic collapse may look out of control, extremely angry, and vindictive. In some cases, it may look like someone withdrawing altogether and giving them the silent treatment.
Triggering the narcissistic collapse
Someone or something that threatens their image and their false reality triggers narcissistic collapse. Triggers may be mild or extreme. The trigger causes the narcissist's self-defense mechanisms to break down.
Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.
If they give you the silent treatment, don't respond. Don't answer their calls or texts, don't check on them or care for them when they are sick and don't offer them any kind of support. –Walk away from the relationship.
A tactic that narcissists will often use once they realize that they've lost control over you is self-victimization. When a narcissist victimizes themselves it means that they label themselves as victims and blame their problems on external factors.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.
A narcissist will perceive their loved one's death as a form of a cosmic joke being played on them. They generally fail to see death as anything other than a trick the universe is playing on them to punish them in some way.
Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and have a reputation as such. Narcissists would rather be admired than liked. Narcissists are masters at making first impressions, leading them to do better with short-term relationships.
If they do collapse, however, it could result in anxiety and depression that keeps them from getting out of bed and functioning at a normal level, according to Greenberg. A collapse could also lead to a suicide attempt, she said.
Mental Breakdown
Narcissistic Collapse is generally permanent – the narcissist never recovers for the rest of their life.
Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood. The irony is that despite showing an outwardly strong personality, deep down these individuals suffer from profound alienation, emptiness and lack of meaning.
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
As a psychologist who works with survivors of narcissistic abuse regularly, I've seen the way a past relationship with a narcissist can continue to haunt someone and hold them back considerably even years down the line.
Sometimes a triggering event will motivate the narcissist to leave. These are usually life-altering events for one of you. If you become ill or incapacitated or unable or unwilling to participate in the life the narcissist has designed, that may prompt the narcissist to leave.
Give praise and compliments to neutralize them.
They already think they're better than everyone else, so you don't need to worry about over-inflating their ego. Simply smile and point out their best qualities. If you can't think of anything, it's okay to use generic compliments because the narcissist won't care.
Narcissists are frightened, fragile people.
Rejection, humiliation, and even the tiniest of defeats can shake them to their core. This leaves narcissists wholly focused on their image.
NPD Brains Work Differently
According to research, people with narcissistic personality disorder have reduced gray matter volume in areas of the brain related to empathy and increased activity on baseline images in brain regions associated with self-directed and self-absorbed thinking.
Reality Check 101. It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
Narcissists are clingy and they might feel jealous, sad, and hurt that you're with someone else. Nothing hurts them more than knowing that you don't care anymore and they have no more control over you. Seeing that you're happy with someone else is like salt to their wounds.
People with narcissism tend not to like seeing other people happy. When they see you happy, the best thing you can do is to stay firm on your boundaries, focus on the present and what makes you happy, and avoid getting into arguments. They might try to hurt you to disrupt your peace and justify their actions.