The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.
Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." Don't listen, Orloff advises.
"It is widely quoted that it takes an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship." Narcissistic relationships usually begin with covert emotional abuse (perhaps just mild criticisms to start with) which slowly ramp up as the recipient grows accustomed to it.
You will know when a narcissist is finished with you because they suddenly go no contact. They won't initiate contact, and they will probably stop responding to your messages, and ignore your calls.
Is unable to manage or “hold” his unhappy feelings. Privately feels overwhelmed, mildly panicked, or “out of gas” but can't express that vulnerability for fear of being “kicked when down” Gets stuck “living in” his feelings instead of feeling them and then getting over them.
Narcissists can make us feel special.
If we were to lose them, we would also lose the spotlight that shines on them. We may feel resistant to leaving, because we're afraid of sacrificing the feeling of specialness we gained by being linked to them.
Quick tips on how to leave a narcissist
The very essence of this process is to distance yourself from a narcissistic in every possible way, which means: Tell them you're done with them with no further explanations. Cut all contacts with a narcissist & block him/her everywhere. Block common friends.
Once they don't need you to fuel their ego anymore, a narcissist will discard and abandon you. Also, if you decide to stand for yourself, set boundaries, and ask for reciprocity, a narcissist will discard you with no apology, empathy, or remorse.
The emotional hangover when we're undergoing recovery from a narcissistic relationship is typically profound sadness and secondary to this feeling is rage. Rage that someone who professed to love you could suddenly turn around and treat you so entirely without empathy. The rage quite often is disguised as depression.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
They will never truly be happy because they don't have the emotional capacity for it. They can only play games and try to put others down. Show them you're living your best life without them, and they'll experience their own version of heartbreak.
The narcissist, then, is dependent on the other. He needs the other's submission to keep feeling powerful over and over. In a sense – despite how self-assured and independent he may seem – the narcissist cannot exist alone. He needs a victim to feel like he exists.
Promise to change
Suddenly the narcissist says they understand why you are upset and ready to leave. They appear to be taking responsibility for their behaviors. They promise to go to therapy, do everything you ask, do things your way. They are so, so sorry to have hurt you.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.
In most cases, the narcissist will come back at you immediately after you put in place the no contact rule. Considering how important their ego is to them and how they need that constant attention from their partner, they would come for you immediately.
Fear of being alone – Narcissists are skilled at destroying their partner's social circles and relationships with family members. The prospect of leaving may equate to a feeling of being truly alone; Fear of reprisals – The narcissist may have created a culture of fear and anxiety in their partner's life.
It is a complicated mental illness centering on an individual's inflated sense of self-importance accompanied by a lack of empathy for other people. While this is an intimidating definition, narcissistic individuals can and do fall in love and commit to romantic involvements.