Let's take a look at some of the potential causes of shame: Childhood trauma or neglect. Any mental health disorder that involves self-criticism or judgment (e.g., social anxiety disorder) Not living up to overly high standards that you set for yourself.
The origins of shame can almost always be tied back to past experiences of feeling judged, criticized, or rejected by someone else. People often respond to shame by pushing away others, withdrawing, and working to preserve their reputation by hiding the aspects of themselves they feel will lead to rejection.
Shame has various root causes. Sometimes shame is instilled in early childhood by the harsh words or actions of parents or other authority figures, or from bullying by peers. Shame can stem from a person's own poor choices or harmful behavior.
Transient shame – this form of shame is very fleeting and often does not create significant problems. For example, when a person makes a mistake at work, they may feel ashamed for a while, but the feeling quickly passes. Vicarious shame – people can feel shame on behalf of another person, known as vicarious shame.
At its heart, core shame is the visceral experience of being disconnected, shunned, and expelled from social connectedness, stimulating the same brain regions activated during pain. While it may be difficult for adults to remember, toddlers expect their parents to be just as excited as they are about their adventures.
According to Richard Schwartz, PhD, shame is a two-part phenomenon: first, there is an inner critic that says, “You are bad.” Second, there is a younger part that believes it. Left untreated, this can become a toxic cycle of depression and anxiety. . .
People who live with shame often avoid relationships, vulnerability, and community. Research shows that shame leads people to hide and self-conceal. [i] People who feel ashamed hide from community and friendship. They avoid vulnerability and never share their true selves with the world.
He also attributed confusion, downcast eyes, slack posture, and lowered head as outward physiological signs of an internal shame experience. Additionally, shame often causes a physical feeling of collapsing one's posture, a way of retreating into oneself or making oneself smaller.
You can heal from excessive shame. While you would not want to eliminate shame completely from your life, if it is causing you problems, you can take steps to feel less shame. Reducing shame in your life will help you feel more confident and genuine.
Childhood abuse, neglect, and other traumatic experiences can cause toxic shame and make us believe we're not good enough.
Shame may motivate not only avoidant behavior but also defensive, retaliative anger. Psychological research consistently reports a relationship between proneness to shame and a host of psychological symptoms, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, subclinical sociopathy, and low self-esteem.
The four poles of the Compass of Shame: Withdrawal (hiding), Attack Self (deference), Avoidance (look where I want you to look) and Attack Other (put down).
Neuroscience blames shame on the brain – more specifically, on the pregenual anterior cingulate cortex. This is a tiny area of the brain that dictates the emotional response to things with the potential for embarrassment.
Research shows that shame is connected to the limbic system, and is often stored in the bladder, gallbladder, heart, jaw, kidneys, liver, lungs, and sacrum.
Shame is one of the more painful emotions because it arises when those most foundational of human needs, the need to feel safe and the need to belong, remain unmet. Because it is so painful, we are compelled to find ways to avoid it if possible, to manage it when we must, and, if necessary, to neutralise it.
If you are a shame-based person, you are taught that, if something doesn't happen as you think it should, you need to assess blame, either toward yourself or someone else, and then punish the “offender,” whoever that happens to be.
People who feel shame have a tendency to cover their shameful truths, or, if they have been exposed, to hide or disappear4. The typical body language of ashamed people is a 'shrinking' body, bowed head, and averted eyes2.
According to Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It's an emotion that affects all of us and profoundly shapes the way we interact in the world.
Shame causes people to hide from the sanctions of cultural norms, which leads to perceptions of brokenness or being bad (Arnsten, 2015). Empathy has the opposite effect. It creates a space where people can process their circumstances without shame's debilitating effects.