INFJs are perfectionists by nature, but toxic INFJs carry this to an extreme level and enter a loop of self-criticism and unreachable high standards. They go through every text, email, and letter they send several times. They are afraid to communicate their ideas for fear of being rejected.
Some INFJs get so fixated on getting their timing just right, and making their plan absolutely flawless, that they never take action or they miss an opportunity. INFJs experiencing “grip stress” can become uncharacteristically pleasure-seeking, impulsive, and self-destructive.
Sensitive people like INFJs absorb more information than others and are more aware of emotions, so they tend to experience information overload more quickly. They become stressed when they are subjected to too much information, including noise, crowds, bright lights and other people's feelings and moods.
INFJs' only true enemy is themselves, or more specifically, their inner critic. However, some personality types may be difficult for INFJs to get along with including: ESTJs: They are often seen as being too blunt, dominant, and insensitive for INFJs.
The best matches for INFJs include intuitive types such as INTJ, INFP, and ENFJ. INFJs are the least compatible with sensors, especially ESTJs, ESTPs, and ESFPs. INFJ-INFJ relationships can be emotionally fulfilling yet difficult if both INFJs aren't willing to openly discuss relationship problems.
Despite the fact that INFJs are complex individuals who are highly empathic and intuitive, they do commonly struggle with trust issues. These trust issues may be rooted in their private nature, their idealism, their empathy, or past experiences of hurt or betrayal.
Who is INFJ most compatible with? The INFJ is most compatible with both the ENFJ and the ENTP. These two personality types can use their extroversion to bring out the best-hidden qualities of the INFJ.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
Here are some of the things that make INFJs the angriest:
Rudeness. Having their ideas and insights dismissed or ignored. Lack of empathy.
INFJs and ENFPs also make for great friends. Their inverted cognitive functions complement each other extremely well, which can often lead to INFJs suggesting solutions that someone with an ENFP personality would never think of on their own, and vice versa.
We crave meaning and purpose.
INFJs are notorious for championing a cause or advocating for others. When we're unsure of our causes or cannot find meaning in our work, we float around rather lost, unsure of our purpose in life. This leaves us feeling pretty down in the dumps.
INFJs are enigmas to other types, and sometimes the way they think, speak, or function can look outwardly awkward. Most of these behaviors are easy to explain when they're analyzed. So if you or someone you know is an INFJ, remember not to dismiss these habits as awkward, but as evidence of how you tick.
ENFJ – Being Alone
The ENFJs I spoke with hated being alone; they felt that their lives were emptier and lacking meaning the longer they spent time in isolation. This makes sense considering their dominant function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe), is largely concerned with promoting the happiness and morale of others.
Healing from trauma and dealing with past pain requires the INFJ to open up to true vulnerability. This means acknowledging the past — good and bad moments — and remaining open to healing and growing from these events.
People are high-fiving, cheering, and otherwise overdoing it emotionally. As an INFJ you tend to feel out-of-your-element in these situations. You might attempt to cheer only to be taken aback by the awkward tension and self-consciousness in your voice.
Fatal flaw: The “door slam”
While it's very black and white in thinking, an INFJ might entirely cut someone out of their life.
Because of our passionate need for meaningful connection, we INFJs can get jealous easily when we see other people connecting and having fun. We might compare ourselves to them, or worse yet, when someone close to us has friends of their own, we might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic.
Exercising alone is helpful, and some INFJs find great solace in nature. Other stress busters include light reading, writing in a journal or meditation.
As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
Because they are reserved and private, INFJs can be difficult to get to know. They place a high value on close, deep relationships and can be hurt easily—although they often hide these feelings from others. Interacting with an INFJ friend involves understanding and supporting their need to retreat and recharge.
INFJs usually get so swept away by their curiosity that they stare directly at people's eyes without feeling uncomfortable or intimidated at all. The intense, piercing stare is usually their natural process of analyzing the object of their interest and a defense mechanism if they feel insecure in specific situations.
However, they're not straightforwardly strong. The truth is that people with INFJ personalities are very strong-willed and determined, but often they use this strength to help people around them instead of investing in self-development. As a result, people often think that they're wasting their talent.
INFJs are most likely to marry someone who shares their values and vision for the future, regardless of their personality type. INFJs are more likely to marry someone who values emotional depth and intimacy and is dedicated to personal growth and development.
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you.
INFJs preferring Quality Time and/or Words of Affirmation is also supported by a survey conducted by Heidi Priebe. According to Priebe's survey, 35.67% of INFJs list “Quality Time” as their preferred love language.