Yet psychiatrists and neuroscientists currently divide romantic rejection into two general phases: protest and resignation/despair.
Romantic rejection: Rejection can occur when a person asks for a date and is denied. While this may also be known as sexual rejection, the person who is romantically rejected may not always be interested in a sexual relationship.
The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'. But this isn't often the case.
Relationship expert Rachael Lloyd from eharmony says romantic rejection is one of the most painful types of rejection. "It literally cuts to the very heart of who we are and how attractive we deem ourselves to be," says Lloyd. "And no one is exempt.
Oftentimes, people don't understand exactly why they've been rejected, which can lead to a downward spiral of negative introspection and an overall sense of not feeling “good enough.” Social and romantic rejection can be especially traumatic and negative for our self esteem.
Most people start to feel better 11 weeks following rejection and report a sense of personal growth; similarly after divorce, partners start to feel better after months, not years. However, up to 15 percent of people suffer longer than three months (“It's Over,” Psychology Today, May-June, 2015).
The findings are consistent with the hypothesis that romantic rejection is a specific form of addiction. Being broken up with feels like acute cocaine withdrawal, at least to the brain. And it makes perfect sense. These sections of the brain are associated with emotional regulation, craving, and winning or losing.
Rejection can take a major toll on your self-esteem and often leads to deep emotional wounds and wounds in your spirit that open up doors that cause you to experience other negative emotions, including depression, fear, doubt, isolation, self-pity, suicidal thoughts, people pleasing, double-mindedness, eating disorders ...
He may choose to walk away. He may feel satisfied with himself for trying. Or he could react aggressively, calling the woman a name or worse, assaulting her. Well, the first thing that comes to anyone's mind after being rejected is anger, despair and sadness or even shock.
What is a hopeless romantic? A hopeless romantic maintains a utopian, sentimental perspective on love regardless of negative past experiences or contrasting information. Against all odds, this person loves love and thinks of it as a blissful experience, even when it's not.
The answer is Dopamine. A drug like chemical that pulsates the body in search of pleasure. The dopamine-driven reward loop triggers a rush of euphoric drug-like highs when chasing a crush and the desire to experience them repeatedly.
Rejection Can Impact Future Relationships
You might develop unhealthy attachment patterns. You might feel very insecure in the relationship and find you change your behaviors, avoid certain conversations, or put your needs last to avoid rejection.
So why can't we let go of people who continually reject us? According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, the reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.
This can explain why, when we feel rejected by our romantic partners we feel angry, because our self-esteem is diminished and we feel that we are not loved and accepted, a primal human need. It has also been seen that rejection causes people to become angry and react with aggression.
Though it may seem nice in the moment to end things with the promise of friendship, if you have no intention to actually be friends, it can be kinder to initially say so. Additionally, if you do want to remain friends, giving your ex some time and space after the rejection can give them agency in their healing process.
Rejection is a breeding ground for obsession. Whether you've found yourself hypnotised by a recent ex, fixated on someone who denies you the time of day, or you're addicted to the thrill of the chase, wanting someone you can't have can lead to irrational thoughts and behaviours.
In conclusion, rejection is a painful human experience that can be even more intense than a breakup with a romantic partner. This is because rejection threatens our sense of belongingness, undermines our self-esteem, triggers feelings of shame and humiliation, and lacks closure.
The rejection people feel when a partner leaves for someone else can be daunting. Not only do they feel the loss, the hurt, and the emptiness, they have to deal with the knowledge they have been “replaced.” No matter how you slice it, the message is: “You are no longer good enough. I've found someone better.”
Rejection is a completely normal thing to happen and, what's more, it happens to everyone. Literally everyone. Sometimes, it can feel like a big deal. Try to remember that there could be a million reasons as to why they don't want to go out again.