A white lie is a lie that is considered harmless or trivial. Such lies are often told to spare hurting someone's feelings. While most people agree that lies are damaging, destructive, and downright wrong, there are times when people tell what they think are harmless lies as a way to prevent further harm.
It's fake and weakens the threads of the intimate bond. It doesn't leave the liar feeling good, either. If you tell your spouse you worked really hard when you didn't, you might get thanked, but it isn't validating to be praised for a put-on. It is not hard to lie to those we don't care about.
Telling a white lie or half-truth can affect your trustworthiness, for better or worse. Because trust is relative, the same behavior that would cause one person to trust you could cause another person to distrust you.
White lies are actually extremely common in healthy relationships, according to Susan Orenstein, Ph. D, a licensed psychologist and relationship expert in Cary, N.C. Orenstein defined white lies as “omitting the complete truth to spare someone's feelings.” A white lie is an innocuous lie.
In some cases, as often happens in the beginning of a relationship, lies may be told in order to HELP solidify the bond and create closeness (“Yum, the dinner you made was delicious!”). In other cases lies are told in order to avoid conflict or tension, or to avoid hurt feelings.
Constant White Lies
If someone is lying to you about something, regardless of whether or not that lie is a lie of convenience or omission, it might be gaslighting. Now not all lies are created equal. While white lies aren't always an indication of gaslighting, it's something that you'll want to be wary of.
A fallacy about white lies is that they don't matter. In reality, white lies can be more damaging than big lies because there are more opportunities to tell white lies than big lies. It can become a way to communicate to get out of uncomfortable situations.
1. Overly controlling behavior. Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
If you haven't done so already, I suggest having a heart to heart conversation with him. Let him know how it makes you feel when you hear him lie to others. Tell him you want to build a stronger bond of trust between the two of you and it would help you if both of you were honest in all of your relationships.
According to the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, people who tend to tell white lies are more compassionate, because they don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
For intimacy to exist between two people, authenticity, vulnerability, and trust can all be important. If there is significant or harmful dishonesty between two people, these three elements may not be present. This is one way in which lies can harm or even bring about the end of a relationship.
Some examples of white lies include: Telling someone they look great in an outfit. Saying that you are on your way to meet someone so you can't stay and chat. Laughing at a joke that wasn't really funny.
Among the worst lies in a relationship that may seriously harm the relationship are infidelity and financial dishonesty. Infidelity destroys trust and leaves emotional scars. Arguments and betrayals result from financial dishonesty, such as hiding debts or engaging in wasteful spending.
Small deceptions can be used to increase the self-esteem of a partner, like telling them you love their new outfit or their cooking. Sometimes it's that you don't want to offend them, like telling them it's fine that they floss at the dinner table! These lies rarely cause harm and are accepted by society.
And, she adds, “even small ticket lies repeated day after day can harm a relationship.” Basically, if you keep telling your partner lies, whether you think they're harmless or not, they can stop trusting you. “The more lies, the more you crack the foundation and the basis of a relationship,” Durvasula says.
He is manipulative.
Manipulative behavior is a major red flag in men because it implies that they are trying to control you. Manipulation typically involves someone exploiting someone else's feelings or insecurities to get what they want. They might do this by making someone feel guilty or ashamed.
“Clinginess can be a red flag in a relationship, especially if it is persistent and makes the other person feel suffocated or overwhelmed,” Dr.
“A green flag is when a potential partner is considerate and aware of your boundaries, asks for clarification on them when they are unclear, and does not push them,” she says. Let's say you ask to meet at a bar or the park on the first date and have expressed that you're more comfortable meeting in public places.
They're minor evasions told to avoid hurting someone's feelings or to avoid conflict. For example, you say “Of course, I'm not angry you were 40 minutes late.” Behavioral experts seem to agree that these “white lies” are acceptable in moderation to preserve social harmony.
There are many reasons people might lie, such as: avoiding offending someone they care about. protecting themselves from a perceived threat. feelings of shame or guilt.
White lies are not a totally good thing: the person being lied to is deprived of information that they might find useful even if they found it unpleasant. the person telling the lies may find it easier to lie in future and they may come to blur the boundary between white lies and more blameworthy lies.