Adults with secure attachment generally have low levels of both anxiety and avoidance. Securely attached individuals are less likely to worry about their self-worth or about their role in a relationship. Instead, they tend to feel good about themselves and their love lives.
Secure: Low on avoidance, low on anxiety. Comfortable with intimacy; not worried about rejection or preoccupied with the relationship. “It is easy for me to get close to others, and I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me.
Preoccupied individuals (high anxiety, low avoidance) hold a negative view of themselves, but a positive view of others due to inconsistent caregiving. This style is characterised by emotional dependency on others, negative affect, being hyper-vigilant to any potential threats, and having low self esteem.
That being said, a partner with a secure attachment style can help an anxious attacher to regulate their emotions more effectively and help them feel more secure in the relationship and in general. There are a number of tell-tale traits of the secure attachment style when dating someone new.
There are four main attachment styles that are commonly discussed in social psychology research, one of which is the anxious-avoidant attachment style. People with an anxious-avoidant attachment style may have trouble establishing healthy personal relationships, despite a desire to be accepted and loved.
Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful-avoidant, is the rarest of all styles, as only around 5% of the population attaches this way. This insecure attachment style mixes anxious and avoidant attachments with unique traits.
Fearful avoidant attachment can continue into adulthood if not addressed. A lot of the same traits from childhood can carry over into adulthood, such as having high anxiety and difficulty trusting others.
If you think you're always letting people down and emotionally closed off you'll keep attracting that type of dynamic. And that's why an anxious attachment and avoidant attachment are so perfect for each other. The relationship allows them to continue thinking those things about themselves.
A securely attached person might be the ideal match for someone with an anxious attachment style. They're able to understand their partner's needs and therefore can help to regulate their partner's emotions.
Attachment style compatibility research finds that the two least compatible personality types are the anxious and avoidant. A person who is avoidant wants to avoid getting too attached to the other person. Around one in four people has an avoidant attachment style.
Generally, adults with anxious attachment need constant reassurance that they are loved, worthy, and good enough. The strong fear of abandonment might often cause anxious adults to be intensely jealous or suspicious of their partners.
As the name suggests, people who have a fearful-avoidant attachment style oscillate between anxious (fearful) patterns and avoidant patterns. Anxious patterns include fear of rejection, extreme distress when (potential) partners don't respond right away and bottling things up until you have an outburst.
Fearful-avoidant attachment is a pattern of behavior in relationships that is marked by both high anxiety and high avoidance, wherein a person both craves connection but also fears getting too close to anyone.
For example, you might be securely attached in most areas but have some anxious or avoidant tendencies in other situations. That said, most people typically have a predominant attachment style they tend to fall back on in their close relationships.
Fearful-avoidant attachments have both an avoidant attachment style and an anxious attachment style. Those with fearful-avoidant attachments want love from others. They may even crave that affection. But, at the same time, they are reluctant to have close or intimate relationships.
At times, it may feel frustrating to date someone with an anxious attachment style as it often requires patience and understanding of their fears. However, anxious attachers are notoriously loving and giving within relationships, so your time with them will often be filled with love and fun.
Everyone comes to the table with baggage and issues - so yes, you might have an anxious attachment style, but they are going to have something that they are dealing with too. From the beginning, once you decide you like someone and there's this feeling like they're a safe person, then yes, tell them.
For example, two avoidants in a relationship may operate quite harmoniously as they both respect the other's need for space and discomfort with expressing emotions. However, someone with an anxious attachment style in relationships may struggle to understand an avoidant partner's actions and push for closeness.
This means that anxious types pair with avoidant individuals because avoidant people behave in a dismissive way. In the same sense, avoidant people attract anxious partners who make them feel smothered. This confirms their belief in what a relationship should look like.
They do have similarities, but there are also differences that have an impact on the relationship. As a general statement, all narcissists are love avoidant, but people can be love avoidant and not be narcissists.
Fearful avoidant individuals have low self-esteem and high levels of anxiety. They believe that they are not lovable. Dismissive avoidant individuals have high self-esteem and low levels of anxiety.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
But sadly, someone with an avoidant personality disorder, finds it very difficult to develop healthy relationships with boundaries. Individuals with this disorder also find it difficult to trust or express their deepest feelings for fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss.
Some researchers believe that there may be a link between fearful avoidant attachment and trauma. Traumatic experiences can cause people to become distrustful of others and to believe that they are not worth trusting. This can lead to a fearful avoidant attachment style.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style.