When you spend time with someone and share vulnerabilities, it's easy to develop feelings of closeness and attraction. These positive feelings can develop into a crush, even when the other person is romantically unavailable. Traits such as kindness, intelligence, and a great sense of humor can fuel a crush.
It starts with a crush
That first spark of attraction ignites a region buried deep inside the brain called the ventral tegmental area, or VTA. Recognizing a potential reward in the making, the VTA begins producing a chemical called dopamine, often called the “feel-good” neurotransmitter.
Crushes are rooted in fantasy and tend to happen when you don't know much about a person but idealize what they are like, Kolawole said. Crushes and love do, however, have biological similarities.
Yes, romantic feelings can absolutely develop over time.
As you get to know someone more, you might develop feelings for them. Even if you were friends with someone first, chatting with them and getting to know them more as a person can create a deeper connection.
Try thinking about your plans for the future, work that you have to get done, movies you want to see, or other things that you find engaging. Try to do activities that take up your attention. Avoid doing something that might let your mind wander back to thinking about your crush. Remember, it is normal to have crushes.
Obsessing over a crush floods our brains with feel-good hormones, so it can be “a little addictive,” she says, and a hard habit to break. However, over-indulging in fantasy is not so great for a number of reasons, and it can be helpful to remind yourself of that next time you start fixating on someone.
First crushes may occur at any time, but generally start at around 10-13 years of age. They are an important step in developing normal and healthy romantic relationships, and provide opportunities to learn how to compromise and communicate.
Why we feel instant attraction to some people, and not others, is affected by lots of different things: mood, hormones and neurotransmitters, how alike we are, the shortage of other partners available, looks, physical excitement, and the proximity of geographical closeness.
When you have a crush on someone, the levels of dopamine in your body are elevated, causing feelings of both exhilaration and anxiety. See, you can thank dopamine for the way that your heart beats out of your chest and your hand trembles when you try to talk to her.
“What shapes who we choose as a romantic partner is our relationships with our primary caretakers as kids,” Los Angeles-based psychologist Sarah Schewitz tells Talkspace. “We're unconsciously searching for somebody who has a conglomeration of negative and positive traits of the caretakers from our childhood.”
Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.
Psychologically speaking, crushes occur when a person of any age projects their ideas and values onto another person whom they believe possesses certain attributes and with whom they want to be associated. Then, the person with the crush attaches strong positive feelings to this magical image that they have created.
Having a new crush can feel fantastic. You look forward to seeing them and feel energized, even euphoric, when you spend time together. Depending on the situation, there might even be a chance that the feelings are mutual. When your relationship with your crush doesn't go anywhere, you might feel, well,crushed.
Even if you feel stuck in some intense feelings about this crush, it's good to know that the most destructive and heart-wrenching feelings of disappointment will pass soon. According to modern psychologists and studies, most crushes only last four months.
Your feelings don't fade
One sign that this is more than a crush: "Your feelings don't dissipate over time but get stronger and deeper," says Irina Firstein, LCSW. So basically, if you've been feeling this way about your special person for a looong time, it's definitely possible that you're in love.
A crush has no set time limit or expiry date
It can last hours, days, weeks, months, or perhaps, even years; there is no set timeframe for a crush. A crush is a fantasy of what you imagine that person to be like—you like the idea of that person. It is pure attraction.
No need to wait for the official first date to get a little face time, however. Americans agree kids are ready for their first kiss at age 15 (15.1 on average), while on average, they had theirs at age 14.5.
We become obsessed with certain people because we have fundamental neural systems that drive us into a state of infatuation, and these can be overactivated at times in our lives when we are vulnerable to the romantic potential of a person who matches our subconscious template of a desirable mate.
If someone is in love with you, they trust you. They want you to be the best version of yourself and only want good things for you. That includes giving you space when you need it. On the other hand, someone who is obsessed with you will be jealous and possessive.