Childhood trauma or abuse: Traumatic experiences in childhood are a common cause of covert narcissism. Physical, sexual, and mental abuse or neglect could lead to overwhelming shame, loss, or deprivation that causes psychological damage to a child, leading to covert narcissistic personalities as an adult.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
The development of narcissistic traits is in many cases, a consequence of neglect or excessive appraisal. In some cases, this pathological self-structure arises under childhood conditions of inadequate warmth, approval and excessive idealization, where parents do not see or accept the child as they are.
Causes of Covert Narcissism
Experts suggest that narcissistic personality disorder is linked to factors including: Genetics. Childhood abuse and trauma. Upbringing and relationships with caregivers.
Of all the roles children play in the narcissistic family, the favored "golden" child is most likely to develop a narcissistic personality because of the toxic mix of enmeshment, neglect, and entitlement they experience.
Covert narcissist parents typically exert ongoing control over their children by sporadically offering forms of desperately craved validation, such as attentiveness, praise, caretaking, and gifts. This confusing push-pull dynamic keeps children "in the game" and coming back for more.
Like overt narcissism, covert narcissism may have roots in genetics, childhood trauma and learned behavior picked up from parents or other caregivers. “People often have the misconception that narcissists are being mean just to be mean, but that's not quite what's happening,” says Dr. Albers.
Covert narcissists may not be aware of their toxic behaviors or they may not know their behavior is stemming from a personality disorder. This isn't an excuse for acting in hurtful ways, but it is something to keep in mind when dealing with a narcissist.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
They Have Grandiose Fantasies
On the outside, a person with covert narcissism will seem quiet, meek, and self-critical. However, on the inside, they feel an intense sense of specialness. Despite their jealousy, envy, and apparent shyness, covert narcissists will believe they are better than everyone else.
To summarize, overparenting, lack of warmth, leniency, overvaluation and childhood maltreatment have all been associated with higher levels of narcissism. However, these parenting behaviours have often been examined in isolation or in different combinations, with mixed findings.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
What causes NPD? As with many personality disorders, the exact cause of NPD is unknown. It is probably a mixture of genes, early childhood experiences and psychological factors. Early childhood risk factors include excessive praise or judgement by parents, trauma or abuse.
A narcissist will perceive their loved one's death as a form of a cosmic joke being played on them. They generally fail to see death as anything other than a trick the universe is playing on them to punish them in some way.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Narcissists may play the victim if they believe they gain something from making you feel guilty. Their tendency to use manipulation tactics is one of the formal symptoms of narcissistic personality.
Another is that once a covert narcissist has received the empty approval they crave from the people around them, they will lose interest and become bored. In fact, boredom is just one of many unpleasant side-effects to keeping narcissism bottled up.
Unlike most types of narcissists who often come across as confident and grandiose, covert narcissists tend to be more insecure and self-effacing. "They don't generally feel good about themselves at all and agree with statements like 'I feel I'm temperamentally different from most people,'" Malkin says.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.
The cerebral cortex has also been found to be less developed in narcissists and this area is responsible for memory, emotions and behaviour. Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do.
The thing that narcissists hate the most is when their fears of inadequacy are triggered by narcissistic injuries, disappointment, rejection, or even feedback and/or criticism.