Childhood trauma can have a significant impact on one's ability to form healthy relationships as an adult, including a fear of commitment. Trauma can take many forms, such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or the loss of a parent or loved one.
People who experienced emotional trauma or uncertainty as children may avoid commitment as adults because that trauma can enforce the idea that committing to someone or something will end in hurt, according to Farina.
Trauma experienced during childhood that was never addressed and resolved may lead to relationship challenges, including commitment phobia. Negative experiences in the past with infidelity or abuse can also lead to a loss of trust overall and fear of commitment.
“Commitment issues are caused by fear. Fear of being suffocated, fear of being hurt, fear of settling for the wrong person, fear of missing out, etc.
People with personality disorders like borderline personality disorder (BPD) may avoid commitment due to an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected. They also tend to have trust issues.
Childhood trauma can have a significant impact on one's ability to form healthy relationships as an adult, including a fear of commitment. Trauma can take many forms, such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or the loss of a parent or loved one.
If a person has a fear of commitment or is commitment-phobic, they will create a distance in the relationship, and you will feel this. On the other end, your partner is overly needy and makes you feel suffocated. They want to spend all of their time with you. And honestly, it's just too much and very unhealthy.
However, when a person is open and honest with a partner, in a serious relationship it may often be possible to work through commitment issues. This can often lead to a stronger relationship, though the fear of commitment may still remain a recurring issue in the relationship.
Insecure Attachment
There are a few reasons why a person might struggle with commitment. They may have formed an insecure attachment/avoidant relationship style. This type of personality style usually stems from a person's childhood and their relationship with their parents or primary caregiver.
Whether the trauma was physical, sexual, or emotional, the impact can show up in a host of relationship issues. Survivors often believe deep down that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment is an impossible dream.
Commitment issues can cause one to fear and even run away from the potential of love—but commitment-phobes can overcome their fear and let love in.
The signs of trauma in a child include obsession with death or safety and issues with sleeping, eating, attention, and regulating emotions. Kids who have experienced trauma may also start to avoid school, especially if their trauma happened at school or is related to school, such as the death of a classmate.
Emotional symptoms can range from depression, hypervigilance, anxiety, fear, anger, feelings of abandonment, and grief – and many others. One of the lasting effects of emotional responses to trauma is negative self-beliefs, or what we call “stuck points”.
If you're dating someone who has a fear of commitment, acknowledging progress can make a world of difference. Express your admiration for any efforts they take to move past their fear and let them know how much you support them. Encouragement is especially helpful for those with an avoidant attachment style.
Seeking Treatment for Commitment Issues
Professional treatment for commitment issues comes in many forms, but with an experienced therapist and a sound treatment plan, commitment issues can be improved to completely resolved quickly.
A fear of intimacy can sometimes be linked to trust issues in a relationship and fear of rejection. If someone's trying to avoid connecting on a deeper level, it's not uncommon for a fear of trust to also be present.
Avoidant attachment styles can also play a role in the fear of commitment, as individuals with this attachment style have a tendency to avoid close relationships and have difficulty trusting others.
People who have philophobia have a fear of love. This fear is so intense that they find it difficult, sometimes impossible, to form and maintain loving relationships. “Philos” is the Greek word for loving or beloved.
As marriage and family therapist, Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT, LPC, tells Bustle, it's very possible. "It's important to know how willing the couple is to be 100 percent transparent and honest about their fears or reservations about why commitment may be a challenge," she says.
Teams that suffer from a lack of commitment squander opportunities through their indecision, fail to keep their members on the same page about priorities and results, waste time revisiting the same topics over and over again, spread confusion to subordinates within the organization, and over time, lose the ability to ...
Several things can contribute to gamophobia, including environment, upbringing, and past traumatic experiences, such as in your childhood, or a previous relationship that wasn't healthy. Sometimes, the fear is one of divorce more so than of commitment or marriage itself.