The Dismissive-Avoidant Style They have a longing for individuality, which is often perceived as indifference by their partner. Partners of people with this attachment style tend to think that their loved one simply does not care.
Avoidant partners tend to create distance and have trouble with communication in romantic relationships. This can make their partners feel frustrated, hurt, confused, or abandoned. Relationships of any kind take work and compromise — and having an avoidant partner can bring a specific set of challenges.
Highly self-sufficient.
This is the #1 characteristic of someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They don't want to depend on you and they don't want you to depend on them. They want their freedom and independence and want (or at least think that they want) you to be the same way.
You have to remain consistent. Your needs cannot change because they will think you are attacking their behaviors. Dismissive avoidants often need “space.” This space comes from their instinct to work through emotions alone. Dismissive avoidants need to hear your emotions from a place of common ground, not criticism.
They might start acting rude or trying to find flaws in their partner so that they have an excuse to break up with them. Dismissive-avoidants believe that they don't need emotional connection and use this behavior as a defense mechanism.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Despite popular opinion, it's entirely possible to have a satisfying, fulfilling relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style. Although we stated earlier that attachment styles are stable, they are not a life sentence. Your avoidant partner can become more secure in their actions.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.
In general, an individual with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style will more likely end or move out of a relationship, even without any problems or reasons. This can be very painful for the innocent person on the receiving end, especially if it comes as a reaction or surprise with no clear reason.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
When a dismissive-avoidant feels an expectation placed upon them, they can feel incapable. We all have needs and boundaries. If either makes a dismissive-avoidant feel like they are due to their “weaknesses,” they can shut down quickly.
Dismissive avoidant attachment triggers include: Criticism: While people with this attachment style often respond positively to constructive criticism in the workplace, it can be hard for them to handle negative feedback from partners. They may see criticism as evidence that others don't care about their needs.
The dismissive-avoidant person themselves may fare well with a securely attached individual, but the deep aloofness may present an insurmountable chasm.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
So they often try to keep people at a distance for as long as they can out of reluctance to take things to a deeper level. This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love.
Many people with avoidant personality disorder live in a fantasy world that helps them feel emotionally connected to the world. For example, a woman with avoidant traits may fantasize that her boss is interested in becoming her husband and that they truly love each other even though he's happily married with 7 kids.
The dismissive avoidant comes off as a person who is emotionally unavailable, cold, and kind of unfeeling, but they do have feelings. They do care about people and the people that they do care about they care deeply about. They have you as a friend for life if you're able to maintain a healthy relationship.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Based on how attachment patterns work, I believe that people with dismissing/avoidant styles cheat because they are running away from closeness in relationships.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
Someone who is dismissive-avoidant in their attachment style may appear withdrawn and highly independent. They feel as though they do not need close, intimate relationships, preferring not to be dependent upon others, nor have others depend upon them.
without prioritizing intimacy and connection. They struggle to trust others and as a result, dismissive-avoidant partners tend to not do a lot of communicating, which puts strain on their sex lives. Good sex is built, in part, from robust sexual communication.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
Avoidant individuals may gravitate towards Acts of Service or Quality Time as their primary love languages, as these gestures offer connection without excessive emotional vulnerability.
After all, navigating your way through the signs an avoidant loves you can be challenging. The answer is yes. See, good news! It is possible for avoidants to chase the people that they're romantically interested in.
The dismissive avoidant tends to ruminate on the break-up for quite a while. To the anxious preoccupied, that's going to look to them as if the person just doesn't care, but that's not the case. They need the time to sit with their feelings and understand if the break-up was an overreaction or not.
You may notice your avoidant partner has few close friends and family, yet those close to them they are fiercely loyal to. Avoidants are inherently mistrustful and suspicious of others. They find it difficult to be vulnerable and show emotion because to them doing so equates to weakness and threatens survival.