A person with a fearful avoidant attachment style may crave closeness and reassurance from their partner, fearing that they will abandon them. In another instance, they may begin to feel trapped or afraid of how close they are with their partner and attempt to distance themselves.
But sadly, someone with an avoidant personality disorder, finds it very difficult to develop healthy relationships with boundaries. Individuals with this disorder also find it difficult to trust or express their deepest feelings for fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss.
Often there are no clues before they dump you. They won't have had the hard conversations. The Dismissive-Avoidant is afraid of, and can't tolerate true intimacy. They were raised to not depend on anyone, or reveal any feelings, so their first instinct when someone gets close to them is to run away.
So avoidants exist in a state of not consciously fearing real loss, only engulfment, and by initiating a breakup they may in fact subconsciously be trying to access that fear of loss - often the only way they can truly appreciate what their partner means them (and just as strategies they use within a relationship to ...
Signs of Avoidant Attachment
They are likely to: Avoid physical touch. Avoid eye contact. Never or rarely ask for help.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
They might create conflict to “test” the relationship and see if it's true love or see if it's what they truly want. Avoidant partners want to feel respected and to have their behavior acknowledged. They want to know that their need for space isn't a deal-breaker and that you'll be there when they're ready.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
However, regardless of whether they are the instigator of a breakup or not, avoidant attachers tend to repress or avoid expression of their intense emotions in the aftermath. This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do.
People with an avoidant attachment style believe that they can only rely on themselves for comfort and support because they have learned that others could not be relied upon to meet their critical needs. Seeking help from others evokes a powerful fear of being abandoned, rejected, or disappointed.
Triggers of Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant individuals tend to feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable when another person wants to be emotionally vulnerable and physically intimate. This is because they have learned that depending on others, wanting to be close, and looking for support will be met with rejection.
Individuals with fearful avoidant attachment are a combination of the preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant styles of insecure attachment. They believe they are unlovable and also don't trust other people to support and accept them. Because they think others will eventually reject them, they withdraw from relationships.
It's not that they don't want loving relationships – it's just that it's difficult for them to give themselves over to love. To protect themselves from feelings of rejection, an avoidant attacher will create strict physical and emotional boundaries.
If an avoidant starts pulling away, let them know that you care but do not chase them. It may be very painful to do this, but pursuing them is likely to make it take longer for them to come back. They need breathing space, to feel safe with their own thoughts and unengulfed.
Avoidant individuals may gravitate towards Acts of Service or Quality Time as their primary love languages, as these gestures offer connection without excessive emotional vulnerability.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Attachment Avoidance & Social Loneliness
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love. Big, big love. An avoidant in love will try to spend as much time with you as they can.
Avoidant / dismissive adults still self regulate in unhealthy ways; they might feel threatened by triggering dating or relationship situations, such as a partner trying to get emotionally close, and they might shut down their emotions in an attempt to feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable.
Avoidantly attached people are prone to “shutting down, numbing, rigid compartmentalizing, and pushing away,” Mary Chen, LFMT, tells SELF. And these suppression techniques can feel “exactly like rejection” to their partners, making it hard to approach—and therefore understand—avoidants!
They may shut down or end a close relationship at the first sign of conflict. Suppressing emotions: Dismissive avoidant people tend to conceal their feelings. In addition to hiding feelings or emotions from others, they may struggle to understand their feelings.
Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are. They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.
Pushing or chasing a partner who needs space and emotional boundaries to open up will likely cause them to resist even more. Although it may be difficult to allow a partner with an avoidant attachment style to withdraw when they need to, they will likely come back quicker if they're allowed their space.